#its a fact of life that im gonna hurt after my appointment

[coridallasmultipass]

.

[keen-li]

Is there gonna be a part 3 for renegade? Please make a part 3. I’m just curious if reader is gonna accept Jungkook. And if she does if Jungkook is going to be a good dad. Also Your writing is really good! Glad I found this.

(I understand if u don’t wanna make a part 3🥲)

Part 3

Thank you so much 😊 I'm gonna make a part 4 cause I didn't want this to be very long. I hope you like it.

Maybe it's your tiredness or the lack of energy but you allow jungkook to hold your child. You didn't want to argue honestly, isn't this what you wanted anyways. You watch as jungkook holds his baby in his arms, he identifies all his features and laughs warmly at her. Before you let him do skin to skin you made sure he'd showered.

"I'm clean y/n. Why would I come see my baby dirty" you laugh and nod. Its true he must've showered well before coming here cause you can barely smell his usual chemical smell. You appreciate the fact that he did take the time to do that for you, or for the baby.

"How did you even know it was a girl or that i was here?" You say looking cautiously at him as he places the baby in to sleep.

He chuckles deciding to sit next to you on the bed. You allow him to not wanting to ruin this moment.

"Does it matter?" He reaches to touch your hand and when he does all the feelings you've tried to suppress flood back. Your really getting vulnerable now.

"What matters is that I'm here and I care now." Normally you'd scoff at that and chase him away, that's what you should do. But you don't, you really want jungkook. You're not sure if him coming here means he's gonna change, you doubt he's capable of change.

.....

Ever since you've been back from the hospital, jungkook seems a little different, a lot different actually. He's been around more and even gives you money for you and the baby. Money was never a problem for him, so you wonder why he was so harsh about not having a child. Over the five months of your baby's life he's been with you to all the doctor's appointments. He'd even proudly tell the doctor that he was the father, and it'd always put a smile on your face which he'd smile to.

"Y/n you're seriously going to let this man into you and your child's life." Hobi, your best friend and the only person who knows about jungkook, says strictly to you.

You roll your eyes and he scoffs at that.

"He's the father, you want me to shut him out"

"He's a junky who's never gonna change"

"Don't say that. He's changing" you defend jungkook. You always had to bust your ass defending jungkook in front of hobi.

"Changing? Are you fucking delirious." You're taken aback by his language. He never yells like this but you're frustrating him.

"Language" you say pointing to your almost year old.

"Im sorry" hobi says finally calming down. You understand where he's coming from. Hes been there for you during this pregnancy when jungkook was not and it hurts him to see you going back to a road that's bad for you.

"I'm not getting back with him" you try and reassure him.

"He's only here for her" you look at your sweet little girl playing with the toys her dad bought for her.

He's also here for you, hobi wants to say but doesn't. He can tell by the way jungkook does things that he wants to get back with you but you don't notice or maybe you do but ignored it.

....

Its been a long day at the park with yuna and her uncle. You were drained, she's honestly getting very active nowadays and you can't handle her. You're glad you've got hobi to help you though. After about two hours of playing on the swings, slides and sand box you decided it's time to go home.

Hobi carries a crying yuna as you walk back to his car.

"You want me to help you out tonight?" he says talking about yuna. He's noticed how tired you've been lately so he offers to help you with your little long haired girl. He always loved looking after yuna, his favourite and only little girl.

"It's okay, I'm taking her to her grandparents anyways for the night." Hobi nods understandingly.

"Let me drive you there then" he offers and you couldn't agree any faster.

For your night of rest, you put on some music and soak yourself in the tub with a red wine. After you're done you wear your silk night dress and throw a silk robe over it.

You're cooking yourself a steak when you hear a knock at the door. You groan, who could be bothering you now.

When you open the door you see the familiar figure of jungkook. He's in a white shirt and black jeans on. He looks so good. You were surprised he was here, he never told you he was coming like he always does. He's got a tiny little gift in his hand and a bottle of wine in the other.

"What are you doing here" you ask and can see jungkook's eyes run down your attire, you feel a little weird dressed like this in front of jungkook. So you pull your robe to cover you further. Jungkook notices and chuckles at that, as if he hasn't seen everything before.

"Uh... I came to see yuna and brought you this" he raises the wine bottle to show you.

"Well I'll take this" you say reaching for the wine bottle first then the cute little box he came with.

"Yuna isn't here though" he looks at you with a concerned look "she's at her grandparents' place" he still looks at you confused as to why she's there in the middle of the week.

"I needed a break for one night... and they gladly accepted"

"Okay, thats okay" you look at eachother not knowing what to say.

"Can I come in". You raise a brow at him "i mean you aren't going to finish that bottle by yourself"

"You'd be surprised the things I can do" you say stepping aside to let him in.

He laughs at that. He's being more kind and gentle with his actions.

"Mmm smells nice in here. what are you cooking"

"Just a steak" you say opening the oven to check on it.

"Wanna stay for dinner" You're unsure of whether you should be asking that but you ask it still.

"If that's an invitation then sure" he smiles "I always liked your cooking" he says making you blush.

"How's yuna, haven't seen her for sometime now and I'm kinda missing her" You're surprised to hear jungkook say he misses her. You'd never expect him to say those words.

"Umm she's okay, she's growing up so fast though." You straighten yourself to face jungkook who's leaning against your island.

"I know right, when you just blink she's gonna be three, then she's gonna ten then she's gonna be a teenager-"

"Okay I get it" you say stopping him "I want her to stay a little girl" you pout and jungkook smiles at that. He loved when you did that always made him wanna turn you over and-

"I think I'm done cooking so let me just take this to the table"

"I'll help you" he says happily. You don't know who this is but it's not the jungkook you know.

While having dinner you simply chat about work and personal life, nothing exciting happening in both of yours apart from yuna. Yuna's been a hot topic of your conversation. You avoid bringing up how jungkook was so negative about the pregnancy, cause you were afraid you might lose this new jungkook. You didn't want to dwell on the past only wanting to go forward. Hopefully he's truly changed.

"Let me clean up y/n. You've already cooked" you two are 'arguing' about who gets to wash the dishes. In the end jungkook wins and you don't mind him doing the dishes.

You stand leaning next to the sink watching him eyes wide open just incase he isn't washing them right.

"Why you looking at me like that" he says jokingly as he sprinkles some water on you. You flinch at the feeling and rumble some childish complaints as you wipe it off. Jungkook laughs at your child-like act as he dries his hand.

"I don't know who's my baby between you or yuna" jungkook say in a sultry voice.

You blush at that and watch as jungkook traps you between him and the island. He's so close to you you can smell the wine from him. You two have been drinking that wine all night leaving only a quarter in the bottle. Lately you haven't smelt that chemical and smoky scent in a while, did he stopped his old habits finally deciding to get clean for yuna. You aren't sure cause you haven't visited his place or investigated him to know, just hoping that he's actually clean now.

"Hm, who's my baby you or yuna" his voice is quiet and soft drawing you into him. Your body moves on its own as your back arches off the island and you're now against his crotch.

"We both are" your eyes move from his now low and dark eyes to his rosy lips which he bites and when you notice that you almost clench around nothing. Jungkook really did this to you, had you round his finger sexually.

He moves to your neck running kisses up and down your neck and all around your throat. You happily let him kiss you wherever he wants, you're not really thinking cause of how good it feels. You haven't had sex with anyone since you got pregnant with yuna and even if you didn't noticed you've been very needy. If hobi played his cards right you would have let him hit but you doubt he sees you like that.

"I've missed you so much you know" he says and the vibration from his voice sends electricity to your core. You latch onto his shirt with your hands as you moan at his kisses. His hands slowly hike up your already short night dress. Jungkook seeing you in this made him want you even more, the silk showing him your perky boobs that definitely got bigger after having yuna. Everytime he watched you breastfeed her he could feel his zip almost break from the hardness in his pants, cause you looked so good that pregnancy glow still on you even after giving birth. Sometimes at home he'd think of sucking your boobs filled with that milk that belonged to his daughter, but he was just curious on how it'd taste.

You release another needy moan as you feel his bulge grow right in front of you.

"I haven't found anyone who makes me feel like you do" he says his sweet words to draw you in and they work because you need this so much. You need him so much.

"Jungkook" you say through moans when you realise he thinks you're moaning his name instead of calling him you push him away to stop.

"What's wrong" he asks looking at you concerned.

"We shouldn't" you say thinking about it thoughtfully. Jungkook knows what you're saying.

"What? Do you have a boyfriend?" He asks so seriously and you shake your head 'no'. It's not like that would change anything for him anyways. He just wanted to know the answer.

"Then I don't see what the problem is." He places a long peck on your lips.

"Im just trying to spend some time with my baby" he kisses your lips again. It feels so good you just want more.

"Do you want this?" He asks to be sure. Even though logic says otherwise you really want jungkook. You want to feel how much he's missed you, you want him to make up for all the times he could have fucked you but didn't. You want him to make up for everything.

"Fuck I want this. I want you. I want you so bad jungkook" and by the way you say his name he knows how bad you want this. And he takes that as a yes to continue.

"Then I'll give it to you."

Immediately he connects your lips and kisses you like there's no tomorrow cause you know this happening again is not guaranteed. He lifts your body and places you on the counter. your lips are still connected as he pulls away.

"You want me to eat you out?" He asks as you're still chasing his lips. You shake your head moving your hands to unbuckle his belt, he smiles against your lips as you finally get it off and pull out his hard throbing cock.

"No I just want you" you say breathless as he agrees and pulls you closer and finally pulls off your panties which were uncomfortably sticking to your core due to how wet jungkook's got you.

It isn't long before you feel the tip of his cock glide against your folds, you spread your legs hoping jungkook would just do it already.

"Are you sure your cunt can still take me" he asks teasingly as he smirks knowing you're impatient.

"I can. I pushed out a whole baby do you think your dick can hurt me" you answer him sharply, breath still heavy waiting for some action from him. He chuckles as he slowly goes through your tight hole. You feel every inch of him, his little veins more noticeable. Has he gotten bigger or have you been needy for too long.

"Fuck you're so tight, I wouldn't even have suspected you had a baby"

"My baby" he says as he starts to move faster knocking the breath out of your lungs. You moan carelessly his name falling out of your mouth here and there.

"Shit" you curse as you grip the counter for some support. Jungkook watches your boobs bounce up and down and he can't help himself but latch onto your clothed nipple.

With the way he's thrusting into you and sucking your nipple you feel that long-time-no-see knot in your stomach. Jungkook grunts as you pull his hair, he can also feel himself nearing.

"Fuck. do you want me to cum in you" he asks raising a brow at a wrecked you.

"Please" you plead not able to formulate long sentences.

"Want me to fill you up huh" he thrusts grow faster, hungrier and the knot tightens.

"Want me to give you another baby?"

"Fuck jungkook" you can barely control your moans anymore.

"Im gonna fill you up so good. Gonna make yuna an older sister" he continues to hit the spot with his fast thrusts.

"What do you think?" He asks you but you cant give an answer.

"Hm? Baby" he presses for an answer and gives you a slap on the thigh to remind you to answer. You clench, jungkook's movements stop for a bit and he knows you're about to cum.

"Where do you want it" he askes trying to keep himself in longer.

"Inside" he hears you say and he chuckles.

"Oh, you're serious about the baby thing" no you're not. Ever since you got pregnant you decided you'd always use birth control. Even though you didn't have sex with anyone you just wanted to be safe, and birth control helped with your periods anyways so it was a plus.

Shortly you feel the knot in you snap and you're breathing heavily also feeling jungkook's seed in you. Honestly the thought of getting pregnant for jungkook is exciting but yuna's too young for it.

Jungkook rests against your neck as you both collect your breaths your hands still running through his hair.

"I missed this" he says against your skin as he rubs your thighs.

"I missed this too"

......

[gmos]

i am so like. metaphysically exhausted i feel like im going thru so much rn i just need to vent with timestamps

like i have zero money so my card declined on my medical bill today and i have to make a bunch of phone calls to places that are only open on weekdays. and i have to prepare for a market but my heart is just not in it. plus ive been waiting to hear back about some other freelance stuff but it hasnt happened yet. so i just keep working on little bits and praying that it will work out. esp bc i have a tattoo appointment i made for my birthday to keep from totally spiraling but i obviously dont have the money for it right now.

and i have to go talk to bf's parents on monday and convince them that im telling the truth about anything w regards to moving. when they dont respect me and think im just some fairy trying to steal their daughter. and the thing is i am but its obviously for the best. and my parents are excited that im moving back but they cant really help me until july and mostly once we're already over there. and bc of how little money we have were gonna have to get rid of most of our stuff and either fly or drive a car across the country.

and all of this while i am getting sicker and sicker and ive just been getting sicker for years and usually it gets better in the summer but this year it isnt so im really worried about that. all i want is to sit outside in a pretty dress with a fun beverage and draw and write but the reality of my situation keeps creeping in. and its crazy bc the thing is pretty much everything aside from the medical bill is already sorted out and being dealt with and i just have to wait it out. i just cant get over how stressed out i feel and thats whats holding me back from fixing things, leading to them getting worse. they increased my ocd medication but the pharmacy hasnt called me yet even after two days when usually they have it same day.

what is going on. im exhausted. i havent slept properly in like two years. i survive off chocolate chips and microwavables and vitamin supplements. i spend most days alone in my apartment sitting by the window on the computer. this is not living. this is not living. i am supposed to be outside talking to strangers. i am supposed to be making the mistakes of a young adult. i turn 20 in 10 days. i have not been able to stay sober longer than 3 days in a row. i have near-constant short term memory loss. my vision is fading. i cant stand. once a week i go to the park and run until my ribs hurt, which is only about 3 minutes. i wear dresses over my hairy legs and combat boots. i get boba tea and coffee and ice cream when i have 10 dollars in my bank account. why isn't it worth it to live a beautiful life? why is responsibility the beginning and end of my life? when do i get to fuck up without being incessantly punished for the rest of my life?

when i was 17 i came to the startling realization that when something bad happens to me, that is the punishment. before that, and even still, i believed that i had to endure the bad thing and then be punished for the fact that the bad thing even happened. then one day i spilled olive oil all over the kitchen counter and my father helped me clean it up and asked if i was ok. to this day it sticks out as a dream, as if something so kind could ever happen to me. and yet i feel like if i had not been treated with so much hostility, i never would have been radicalized the way i am today. i cant prove either way, but i know that the hostility i am constantly faced with is unwarranted. yet it continues, so what am i doing wrong? the answer is obviously everything.

writing this has calmed me down. i am one of the few who benefits from journaling, even performative journaling, which is what this website is based on. one day when i die just a little bit before my time, my now-bf future-husband will compile my unpublished writing and art and notebooks and tumblr posts into a chronicle of my life, and then i will finally be beautiful.

[wisdominfumbling]

Dealing with divorced parents

This subject is no joke to me, being a child of divorce has got to be one of the hardest things ever, it really gives you perspective and you learn stuff that other kids wouldnt know until they go to summer camp like packing your whole life into a medium sized bag.

From my experience as a child it was not bad, definitely weird and uncomfortable but not completely bad. I think it got worse as soon as I became a teenager and tuned into a bitch, now that im an adult I can admit that I was complicated, specially when it came to my relationship with my dad, I could be more than a handfull but on my side of the story, he´s a complicated person too, so it wasnt as easy as you would imagine, at the end i just had to learn how to read him correctly and figure out when to act wild and when to play by the book. Now that im 22, our relationship is definately better, we still argue but not as bad.

But there is a side on having divorced parents I had personally never experienced until I realized that it was my little sister´s version of divorced parents. A bad divorce.

The way you divorce your partner can mean everything when it comes to the kids. it is never easy but you can definately try to make the situation easier and more amicable, well this is not the part. My dad´s divorce with his ex wife was bad. He kinda ended up cheating so she will take the divorce, my uncle had just passed, I was acting complicated and he was developing and growing his own business (not easy at all).

Im not gonna lie, my dad is way different now than how he was in his late 20s early 30s, hes a better father now, even he recognizes it, so my sister is growing with the good part, im happy for her. But everything cant be perfect, if you have a good dad you gotta have a shitty mom and if you have a shitty dad you gotta have a good mom, well now you know which one she got. I know its been hard for her cause she has to kinda take a side at the end of the day and i know for a fact that she has to lie to each parent and you see them suffer in different ways, sometimes one more than the other. Or so you think, I always thought my mom had it worst cause she had to stay with me, care for me daily and handle my mess; But it was not until I moved in with my dad and started talking more in depth with him that I realized that he also suffered a lot from not living with me, there are things that he never got to experience with me, like driving me to school everyday and picking me up, having my friends over, waking up at night cause I had a fever or a nightmare, school prep the night before, doctor´s appointment, driving me to my friends houses, waking up at 4 am to pick me up from a party, etc.. And I know he hurts from that, fuck it, I hurt too he´s my dad.

And then there´s the part where you start blaming people, the mom, the dad, grandparents, relatives, bad friendship advice, myself just so you can justify in a way that the relationship between them didn´t work out. But its nobody´s fault, with time you end up realizing that it just didnt work out and at the end of the day it was for the better.

I have never liked having divorced parents but it happened and that is my life. I am destined to have two houses that would never completely feel like home, to have my life scattered in places, to explain that your parents are divorced after meeting someone new, to make one of your parents feel bad when you "pick" the other one to do something, to deal with steps and having to accept them even if you dont like them because they make your parents happy and you dont want to see them lonely. Definately not an easy task as a daughter, if im honest i think I got my fist grey hair cause of all of this, but if you´re reading this and you´re wondering.. yes I till believe in love and happy ever after, maybe I can tell you about it another time.

[hivesfics]

pierce through me, eren x reader

Cross posted to ao3 under “dickshapedclouds”

Warnings: semi public, strangers, nipple piercings, oral fem and male receiving, photo taking, eren is very cocky

You couldn't believe you let Sasha talk you into this. A drunken conversation about wanting a new piercing turned into her demanding you get your nipples pierced. You knew it was because she liked living vicariously through you and she secretly wanted nipple piercings, but was too scared to get them.

"So you're going today right? Right? Can I come with?"

"Fucking hell, Sash. Yes I'm going today, no you cannot come with me." You groan, exasperated.

"Oh c'mon, I've seen your tits plenty of times." Sasha grins, grabbing the aforementioned part of your body and squeezing before releasing.

You swat playfully at her and roll your eyes, pushing her aside.

"I don't care, I'd rather you not see me cry when I get a needle shoved through my nipples."

"You've literally gotten snot in my hair from crying once." She groans, throwing her head back and stomping like a child.

"If I get you donuts after my appointment will you shut up?"

"I- yes."

"Thank god. I've got to go or else I'll be late. You can see them after I get home."

"Deal." Sasha grins, slapping you on the back as you exit your shared apartment.

It doesn't take but 10 minutes to arrive at the joint tattoo and piercing studio. You can't help the nervous, but giddy feeling inside of you.

This wasn't your first piercing, you had multiple. But with each new one you couldn't help being excited.

"Back again, get a life." Jean, the secretary, teases.

"Shut your mouth, is Levi still in?"

"Nah, but we've got a new piercer here. Let me get him."

He stands from the front desk and makes his way to the back. There's some shouting and a few moments later Jean returns with a male.

Hes covered in piercings and tattoos, brunette hair pulled into a messy bun. You can't help but flush at the fact that someone so attractive will be seeing and touching your breasts.

Even if it was in a professional manner.

"This is Eren, he's a little asshole." Jean rolls his eyes.

"Shove it up your ass, horseface. Nipple appointment, right?" Eren insults Jean before turning to you.

"Uh- y-yeah."

"Awesome, let's go back and I'll get everything sterilized and set up."

The giddy feeling has now dipped more into anxious territory. You follow Eren to the back, taking a seat on the piercing chair.

"If you wanna go ahead and take your shirt off you can, or you can wait until everything is sterilized since it's a little chilly back here."

You sit in comfortable silence until he asks you again to remove your shirt after he's gloved up and has everything prepared.

You do so obediently, folding it and setting it aside. Breasts now standing proud, nipples pebbling from the cool air.

"After I mark you can lay down, alright?"

"Alright."

Its so odd to have someone you're not fucking so close up and personal with your chest. You can feel his warm breath against your skin and it causes goosebumps to rise on your body.

"That look good?"

"Yeah, looks great." You smile and lay back.

"Great." He takes the set of forceps and as gently as possible clamps them onto your left nipple.

"You'll feel a pinch, I want you to breathe in nice and deep for me." Eren says as he prepares to push the needle through.

As soon as you breathe in, he pushes it through.

"Oh, fuck!" You hiss, clenching your jaw.

"Sorry." Eren laughs, moving quickly to your right breast.

Although your nipple is hard, he flicks it. Sending a jolt of pleasure up your spine. His eyes flitting to yours before pressing the clamp around it.

"Again, deep breath in, sweetheart."

And God does that send an ache between your legs. You inhale, filling your lungs completely.

Expecting the pain, it doesn't hurt as much as the first. But you still hiss, jaw clenched tight.

"Good girl." He says at your breathing.

Eren takes note, cleaning you up quickly before taking his gloves off. He massages the joints of your jaw, making your mouth drop open slightly.

"You did so good." He smiles, tongue flitting over his lips.

You see the glint of a tongue piercing and wonder how it'd feel against your skin.

"You've got the prettiest tits I've seen." He says lowly, placing his thumb underneath and forefinger on either side of your breasts.

"If you weren't so fucking hot you'd have a bloody nose." You breathe, a moment of bravery, you grip his jaw and pull him down for a kiss.

"God I wanna put my mouth on them." Eren groans, showing restraint as to not hinder the healing process.

"Suppose I'll have to see you again when they're all healed." You grin, hand gripping his hair as you press your lips to his again.

He clambers into the piercing chair with you, knee between your legs. His hands gripping your waist.

"Can I eat you out? Please?"

"Since you asked so nicely." You coo, reaching between where he's pressed against you to unbutton your pants.

"Lay back, sweetheart."

Eren shimmies down, his feet hanging off the edge of the long seat. He grabs the waist of your pants and tugs them down with your panties.

"Oh fuck." He groans, taking in the princess Diana piercing that goes through the hood of your clit.

"Pretty isn't it?" You grin.

"Levi do this? That bastard got to see this gorgeous fuckin' cunt?"

"Jealous?"

Eren glares up at you before diving in, tongue dipping into your hole. Nose nudging at your sensitive clit.

You gasp, tangling your hands in his hair again, pulling him closer to your cunt.

He groans against you, vibrations sending a jolt up your spine. Heat filling your body.

Afraid to get his piercing caught on yours, he avoids touching his tongue to your clit. Instead opting to nose at it, and rub his thumb over it.

"Feel s'good!" You moan, rocking down against his face.

You could feel him smirk against you at your desperation. You grip his hair tighter, basically riding his face with how you cant your hips up.

He's licking at you like a man starved, eyes focused on your face as he feasts. He dips both thumbs into your cunt, spreading it open, pushing back against your hands so he can spit.

"Such a desperate thing." He coos teasingly, face soaked.

"If you don't get your mouth back on me I swea I'll- ah! Hhmf! Fuck!" You hiccup, head thrown back as he fucks you with his tongue.

One hand still tangled in his hair, the other pressed to your mouth. Your teeth biting into your knuckles to muffle your sounds.

You feel that familiar knot in your stomach, heat pooling heavily.

"Im- fuck- I'm cumming- gonna cum!" You moan, thighs squeezing tight around his head as you ride out your high.

Hips jerking as you ride his face.

Eren pulls away with a filthy grin, licking his lips before wiping his face with the back of his hand.

"Let me return the favor." You pant, releasing your hold on him.

You make quick work of pulling his pants down, and pulling his cock out of his boxers.

"Fuck- you're pierced here too?" You gasp, licking over your lips as you trail your fingers over the three piercings down the shaft.

"Pretty, huh?" He takes your words, smirking down at you.

"Bastard." You quip, licking a hot stripe from the base to the crown.

Tongue dipping into the slit, tasting the pre that has beaded there. It causes Eren to moan and you can't help but clench your thighs at the gorgeous sound.

You love when men moan for you, you love drawing out the pretty sounds they make. And Eren is no exception, his moans get high and breathy.

You kiss the barbell of the piercings before taking the length of his cock into your throat in one go. Eyes trained on his face like his were on yours.

"Holy fuck- that's so good-" he rasps, fisting a hand into your hair.

Not to push and pull your head, but simply to ground himself.

"Where's the cocky bastard who just ate me out, hm?" You say once your mouth is free of him.

He glares at you, gripping the side of your jaw to make your mouth open before feeding his cock into your mouth.

"Such a damn brat, this what you want?" He groans as he uses your throat.

You can feel the piercings drag against your throat, in deep and then back to your tongue. Your cunt weeps with arousal in response to how he uses you.

"Gonna use that cunt next, cum all over that pretty clit. You're gonna be mine- my little cum dump." He groans.

You whine around his cock, looking up at him with watery eyes. It nearly makes him blow his load, dick twitching in your throat.

He holds himself there, grinning at the way your throat contracts around him, how you gag.

"Mm that's right, choke on me. Good girl." He pulls out of your mouth, giving you a moment to breathe.

A mixture of spit and precum connecting your lips to the length of him. You pant heavily, tongue lolled out of your mouth.

Eren shoves himself back down your throat, holding the sides of your head as he thrusts his hips. Tip of his cock kissing the back of your throat with each thrust.

"So fuckin' pretty." He groans, pulling out to jerk himself off over your face.

You keep your tongue out, eyes trained on his. Waiting patiently for him to cum over your face.

His hand grips your hair, tilting your head as he spills over your face and tongue.

"Fuck. Fuck- can I take your picture?"

You nod, making sure none of his cum drips from your face to your breasts. He's quick to grab his phone and open the camera, snapping a few photos.

"Now lay back and let me fuck that pussy."

You grin and settle back, spreading your legs for him.

"Good girl."

[irkenheretic]

okay i promised id do it and im doing it: Explaining The Plot Of That AU I’m Vague About: The Post

(as i was preparing to write this i actually got my 250th follower, which slapped)

so i’m just gonna start with the simple version, which is this: it’s a rebel AU which primarily centers around the tallest, who are both defective. they give up on trying to make any meaningful changes as figureheads, and instead direct their attention to being involved with the “neo defect revolution,” or NDR. they do manage to make one change as tallest- there is a garbage dump planet turned into a sanctuary for defectives (who in this au are executed once discovered,) and eventually enough of the populace finds out about it that the tallest have to deal with it. they finesse their way into kicking it out of the empire, so now it’s its own planet with its own rules, governments, and most importantly, immigration policies and protections

a lot of stuff happens and it’s gonna be structured using arcs, and each arc has a separate protagonist/deuteragonist/tritagonist lineup (but that doesnt mean the same lineup won’t be used multiple times!) and yes the insane list of OCs are for this au alone: some arcs are very OC-centric, some have OCs as supporting characters, and a couple are all-OC or mostly-OC. 

its going to be very longform and it’ll span from the tallest’s elite training days to twenty years after zim arrives on earth. (the 20 year gap btwn zim arriving on earth and the story proper isnt as tightly plotted as later tho.) the point is to see how a revolution on the scale of the NDR works, who was fucked over by defact laws, who was fucked over by other laws, etc. theres a lot of lore and a lot of headcanons i made for this AU and even a conlang. i am a being of hubris. itll be a series of fics, some multichapter and some oneshots. 

the series as a whole is gonna be called Invader Zim: Annexed or just Annexed for short. its a pun on an irken word that sounds similar but means the exact opposite. i am not explaining more bc itll be explained in the fic itself. but thats why the tag for it is #anx lmao

i didnt mean for this to be as long as it got but under the cut im gonna breakdown some of the early arcs:

so it all starts with a fanfic called Love Is The H-Word (no the “h-word” isn’t “hell.) it centers around red and purple as elites-in-training, who do a little whoopsie and have an egg. purple doesnt wanna smuggle it into a smeetery, bc then he’ll never see it again, so they go to the defect sanctuary (still a part of the empire at this point.) purple knows he’s defective while red has a hard time accepting that he is as well, due to events from his past. but being around all these other defects are starting to wear down his denial, and the fic is all about that. it also sets up some plot stuff, like how defects adopted a self-identifier in the word “heretic,” hence the sanctuary being named, “heretirk.” (hey look my url!) (no, the “h-word” is not heretic, either.) 

i dont wanna say what happens in that fic bc spoilers, but stuff Happens. its also when we meet some ocs that end up being important, and the existence of others are foreshadowed. this is also where we meet the tallests’ future advisor, rarl kove, for the first time, as a local who decides to keep them company. purple bonds with kove due to their shared interest in politics, while red reluctantly bonds with titch, a young irken (a smeet in heretirken standards, an adult in imperial standards- did i mention he and red are roughly the same age? lol) who is interested in military stuff and thrill-seeking and general destruction. titch is pissed because he claims his father is stealthing on devastis as a military commander, but won’t let titch sneak in as a soldier, as titch is deaf. 

(fun facts: in the au, “titch” is regional slang for “a little bit.” ironically, titch the character is above-average in height.)

due to titch’s deafness, he developed “gesturespeak,” irken sign language, so he can communicate. this existing becomes important later

a oneshot called invade the system is right after h-word in publishing order. it details zim’s exploits in leaving foodcourtia, where he was assigned and infiltrating the invading academy he eventually graduates from (in this au, zim is too short to be an invader, which sucks because the hight minimums for the military are really short to begin with lmao)

the fic chronoligically after H-Word focuses on red and purple being back in their platoon on devastis, specifically red navigating his training and his relationships with two defective platoonmates, pon and zi (who are in h-word a little,) after the realization that he too is defective. it also focuses on how the irken military works, and how they train their soldiers. 

the first arc overall focuses on red and purple going thru training and such, and ends after they graduate and are on the field, working to get commander rank. (they planned to gain commander rank then leave and go back to heretirk to train an army there, as heretirk has.... no army.) in the middle of this, they’re pulled out and told they are to become the next tallest. they debate over staying and taking the job or just running to heretirk, and they ultimately decide to stay.

the next arc i call the “bridge,” tbh. its less tightly plotted than the other arcs; fics are spread apart from each other chronologically and all that. it spans the time after the tallest being appointed to a little after zim arrives on earth. it also has a couple of anthologies focusing on imperial defects- each chapter is a new character. these guys are all important and the easiest way for me to introduce their backstories without cluttering everything up is anthology style, lmao. other things that happen are a look into how the tallest work, eventually culminating with the resolution of the tallest having to Deal With Heretirk, tenn’s rescue from meekrob, and zim on earth obtaining a half-irken smeet named pip due to stealing an Unethical Science Experiment from dib (which is pip.) the bridge is basically just. “heres some stuff that happens between point A and point B so when we get to point B you’re not confused as all hell.” 

the next arc focuses on zim. in the first fic, pip is sick and zim is trying to get into his neighbor’s pants, to cope. this basically sets up that zim in this au has no idea how to find personal fulfillment in living- he’s only OK if he focuses on pleasing someone else, be it taking care of pip or doting on the neighbor, some rando human named piqu (pronounced, “peek.”) this is mainly a cute romance story with the underlying veneer of “a child is slowly and painfully dying” in the background. fun! 

without spoiling the circumstances, zim and pip end up on heretirk, which at this point is its own independent planet. pip is in the hospital for most of it so zim has to do his own thing. computer fans rejoice bc hes basically zims dad at this point, who tells him to go outside and get some fresh air and talk to the locals instead of schmooping or screaming in anxiety. im sneakily introducing more characters like ini, the “next-gen zim;” a short bio-engineer (she works on PAKs) who was constantly passed over by everyone because they dont trust someone that short or they dont trust someone that spazzy, even though shes actually brilliant. also her brother mo, who’s a pilot that NOBODY will teach military-class ships to (at this point, HTK has a population of ex-military that had their old ships, but still no formal army) because he doesnt talk and they think hes “slow” as a result. for the curious, he is physically able to talk most times, he just doesnt like it. zim ends up teaching him how to fly military-class which ends up being important laterrr

(haha ini and mo. wheres meenie and minie? ILL GET TO THEM)

no really, theyre quadruplets. named ini, myni, minie, and mo. these are real characters. 

minie isnt introduced till later. shes too cool to be the side character in someone elses arc. she is feel uncomfortable when we are not about her.

myni is busy palling around with pip and pip’s friend “elly” (real name elevenn, with two N’s.) elly is a half-meekrob War Crime Baby and tenn’s smeet. he has vision problems (he can “see” energy signatures of things, as opposed to conventional sight. everything is monochrome and he has to really focus to see like, words on a paper. also fuck tablets) but the trade-up is telekinetic powers (that he cant use too much or his brain will melt. fun!) this isnt relevant until the arc AFTER zim’s, where they end up poking around a historical site due to myni’s interest in that kind of thing, and they find logs of an old revolution (that was actually pretty successful in their goal, before they were caught and executed,) that lead them to a man named lefy. he helps with revolutions and helped these guys, and the trio go to seek him out; myni because he wants to impress his parents with helping them, pip because after they’ve recovered enough to walk around and do stuff, feel like they need to justify the choice to save their life and make their dad proud and all that, elly because he doesnt want pip to get hurt and die. And thats where the stuff REALLY starts happening and i cant tell u more sorry

this seemed kind of disjointed but thats bc i cant really be too detailed otherwise id like.... spoil it lmfao. but thats the summary of the first few arcs.

[bi-hippie5]

Blonde Curls |Luke|

Description: Luke leaves Charlotte two years ago not knowing she was pregnant. Then he runs into her best friend at an interview.

Notes: I was thinking of turning this into a longer series but I just ended up with this

Masterlist

Luke can admit that press can be fun but after a full week of it he’s ready to take a nap and not wake up for a couple of days. Luckily the band was on their last radio interview of the day and he was that much closer to crawling into bed. 

“Welcome boys we are so excited to have you, Jasmine is just finishing up her current interview and we can set up soon” one of the employees of the radio station explained as they all take a seat on the couches set outside the room. This was a new interview they hadn’t done in the past so they didn’t really know what to expect. He had heard that the radio show was pretty new but was probably one of the most popular ones in the area.

They only had to wait for maybe ten more minutes before the door opened louds laughs filled the waiting area. People exit saying thank you and going their own ways before Luke's eyes land on a very familiar face. It's not the face that haunts him at night but of the one person that probably hates him just as much.

“Shit” Luke whispers under his breath as Jasmine walks out to meet the boys before the interview. He wanted to run and hide right now as his ex-girlfriend's best friend is shooting daggers at him while giving quick hugs to his other band mates. Ashton looks over to check on him since he was the only one that had the chance to meet her before.

“Luke” she mumbles, not even bothering to get closer to him as the other two boys look at him confused.

“It’s been a long time Jasmine” he laughs awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck as her gaze only gets harsher.

“Two years actually” she corrects him and it stings more than it should as she turns her back to him. Her tone is completely different with the other boys as she brings them into the room with Luke trailing behind. Charlotte hasn’t left his mind since the day he got scared and walked away. He hasn’t been able to be serious with anyone else since and he knows that it's all his fault. But, now seeing Jasmine makes the pain come right to the surface. Jasmine was Charlotte’s best friend since middle school, she was the first friend she introduced him to. At the time they had hit it off great laughing and having fun. They had gotten pretty close actually since Charlotte had the biggest impacts on both of their lives.

The whole interview he can feel how awkward it was. Jasmine didn’t really talk to him at all directing all of her questions to the other three. He wasn’t upset about it since so much was running through his mind. No one can blame her for hating him because what happened would make anyone look like a jerk. Charlotte and Luke had been together for four years and lived together for two of those years. They were happy and everything was perfect, at least that's what she thought. Luke wasn’t sure exactly happened but one day it just got real, this was it for him like Charlotte was the one he wanted to spend his life with. But, everyone kept bringing up marriage and asking when he would propose and he got freaked out. One day he got back to the apartment before she did and completely left only leaving a note that said ‘I’m sorry i can’t do this right now.’ He regrets it to this day, what was he thinking.

After the interview was over he told the boys to not wait for him as he hung back. It had been two years but that was too long and needed to see her and fix it.

“Jasmine please just tell me where she is” he begged once they were left alone. Jasmine knew she couldn’t physically hurt him but the looks she gave him would have to do.

“Why should I tell you fucker, you left her and never turned back. You didn’t have to pick up the pieces” she spit at him poking hard at his chest.

“Please I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind the last two years i need to make it right”

“It's not gonna happen buddy she moved on and picked herself up she doesn't need you” Jasmine laughs at him turning away and walking into her office slamming the door in his face. Luke stood in the hallway feeling like such a dumbass. He should have just stayed in the apartment that day till she got home and they could talk through his fears.

“I know where she is” Ashton says from behind him. When they were together Charlotte had developed a nice friendship with Ashton. He was so disappointed when Luke told them what had happened and the terrible choices he had made. But just because they broke up doesn’t mean he was gonna break his friendship with the girl and has kept in touch this whole time. Luke was his best friend but there was one small thing that stopped him from telling him where she was this whole time, and his name was Landon.

------

“Have a good night Claire” Charlotte waved at her coworker as she headed out of the salon leaving her to close up. Everything was in its place already; it was just some sweeping to finish before her mom arrived. She set her phone down at one of the stations hitting play on the music before grabbing the broom.

Luke could see her through the window of the door as she danced around the salon  with a broom in her hand. She looked good, like really good wearing black ripped jeans and a nice black cropped sweater. Her blonde hair was shorter, now up to her shoulders and a bit more silver but she was still as beautiful as ever. He paced outside for a few minutes before working up the courage to finally walk inside. The bells on the door alerting his presents but she didn’t look up.

“I’m sorry we are closed, we open at 10 tomorrow if you want to make an appointment” her sweet voice fills his ears after so long. Just hearing her voice and seeing her it's like finally taking a deep breath of fresh air.

“Charlie” he whispers, finally finding his voice again. Her body stiffened at that voice, it's the one she heard on the radio and the tv but also haunts her at night.

“I’m sorry but we are closed” she doesn’t dare to turn around to look at him because if she does it will hurt more and give her mind new material to fester over.

“I wasn’t really looking to get a haircut unless it’s like that time you made me sit in the bathroom so that you could practice. I told you most girls don’t cut hair in just their underwear, seems kind of dangerous” he chuckled taking a few steps towards her. She still doesn’t move because she thought this would never happen, he left. He didn’t want anything to do with her anymore but now he’s here, at her work and she honestly didn’t know how this could get worse.

But of course it does, the chimes of the door sound against but this time she knew who it was. She finally turns around but refuses to look at him but instead at her confused mother standing in the doorway, a small sleeping two year old in her arms.

“I’m sorry to interrupt but your father has the car running” she’s staring Luke down like a mother lion ready to kill her next meal for her children and Charlotte kind of fears for Luke. He knows that looking at her mother will be worse than the reaction he got from Jasmine earlier today. However, his eyes are glued to the small figure in her arms, he looked so peaceful with his thumb in his mouth. Long eyelashes resting on his soft skin and those blonde curls he couldn't understand.

Charlotte walks past him grabbing her son from her mom. He stirs a bit but wraps his arms around her neck falling right back to sleep. She kisses her mother's cheek before placing the diaper bag down on one of the chairs.

“Let me know when you get home please” she gives her another hug and kisses both her daughter and grandson. She doesn’t even acknowledge Luke walking right past him and back into the waiting car outside. Luke can’t even imagine the reaction her protective father will have once she tells him.

Charlotte adjusts Landon in her arms before heading past Luke to grab the rest of her belongings so that she can leave before he starts asking questions.

“Charlie what is going on please look at me” his voice is softer this time and closer and she knew that he was right behind her. Letting out the breath she was holding finally turning to make eye contact with the man that broke her heart. Luke's eyes are still trained on the toddler because the curls alone gives it away, That had to be his son. “How old is he?”

“Two” she whispers softly and it was like a knife into his heart. There was no doubt in his mind that the small boy was his. Charlotte was never the girl to cheat on him and the time line adds up to perfectly.

“He’s mine and you didn’t tell me” his voice raises a little bit with the mix of emotions that were going through his body. If she was pregnant why didn’t she tell him or the fact that there is a small person on this earth that was a mix of both of them.

“Luke I can't do this with you right now” she's walking away from him. “It’s been such a long day and I need to get Landon home” he follows her outside of the salon and towards the parking lot.

“Please don’t walk away from me, can we please just talk about this because im 100% sure that is my son” she stops trying to calm her breathing slowly rubbing Landon back trying to remind herself to not yell.

“Don’t walk away from you, please tell me your kidding because if I can remember you left me not the other way around” They stand in pure silence just staring at each other. Luke didn’t know what to say because she was right, always right. “I need to go home and think Luke, I’ll have Ashton send you my address and you can come over tomorrow okay?” he nods agreeing not wanting to make her anymore upset.

-----

He’s nervous, standing in front of the apartment the address leads him to. His palms are sweating as he wipes them against his jeans fixing his hair and shirt before knocking on the white door. No one ever explains how to act when you officially meet your son for the first time. Mostly when the mother is someone he hasn’t been able to get out of his head even though it's his fault he's in this position. Charlie opens the door a few seconds after and Luke almost passes out. She’s just so damn beautiful with a yellow sundress flowing around her figure, hair half pulled back.

“Mommy” a little voice cries followed by soft footsteps. Landon comes crying behind her immediately noticing Luke standing at the door. His eyes get big and run over to his mother grabbing onto her legs to hide behind.

“Sorry he can be kind of shy” she apologizes as Landon lets out a sniffle looking up to look suspicious at who this strange man is.

“Hi I’m Luke” he gets down on his level making eye contact with the little boy.

“I Landon” he mumbles

“It's nice to meet you Landon, I really like your hair it's kind of like mine” that peaks Landon’s attention as he moves a little bit closer still keeping his hand on his mother just in case. Landon loves his hair, poor little thing cried his eyes out when Charlotte tried to give him a trim a week weeks back.

“Do you like dinosaurs?” Landon asks with the brightest eyes. Luke nods which results in a big smile from the small boy as he grabs his fingers dragging him into the apartment. He leads him into a small play room that is full of different toys and activities. Landon shows Luke his large collection of dinosaur toys having to show him each of them even imitating some of the noises for him.

Charlotte's heart was so full watching the two boys interact so sweetly. It was never her intention to keep Landon away from Luke; she really was gonna tell Luke about being pregnant. But when she came home and he was gone she just assumed he wanted nothing to do with her and wouldn’t want this baby. She was already so heart broken and couldn’t handle another regrection if he truly didn’t want to have a baby with her.

She let them play for a while, busying herself with some cleaning that needed to be done. Working and having a wild two year old made it kind of difficult to keep everything organized and put together.

“Mommy” Landon yells running into the kitchen with the biggest smile basically bouncing in his spot under her. “Can Luke come play all the time” Luke stands behind him leaning against the wall with a smile that matches his son his whole face glowing. Landon had never asked about having a dad not fully understanding but Charlotte knew that she would have to explain it at some point. Luke and her had a lot to work through but she wasn’t gonna keep him from having a relationship with his son.

“Of course buddy, but can I tell you something?” she picks him up placing him on her hip as he nods. “Luke is actually your daddy which means he's gonna be around all the time to take care of you”

“And play?” both parents laugh at the little boy.

“Yes and play would that be okay?” Landon shakes his head so fast putting his arms out for Luke to take him. He’s fast gathering the boy into his arms and hugging him to his chest.

“Charlie I’m so sorry I was just scared and didn’t know what I was thinking. But now I know that all I want is you and him and a family. You were always going to be my forever and I know we have things to work on but I’m here to fight for you, for both of you” tears were building up in both of their eyes. No words were needed as she makes her way over to the love of her life and son pressing her lips to his. They had a lot to work on but this was forever and no one was going anywhere.

[knicole0527]

How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

[drkcnry67]

title:  i figured it was time for this

pairing: Dean x reader

square filled: Anti Possession Tattoo

rating: PG

tags: tattoo, projectile beer spitting, telling the boyfriend your pregnant

word count:

summery: not telling!

created for @heavenandhellbingo​

it was several months ago, you had found you had found the love of your life after he had rescued you from a vampire bleeder den... vamps had been draining you dry for weeks... 

but shortly after they brought you back HE was the only person who matter to you... he became your everything... now it was time for you to become an official hunter protected from every single part of the supernatural... 

today you were gonna get your Anti-Possession Tattoo...

Dean the love of your life was now taking you to a small tattoo parlour in Kansas near where they grew up... but something was awfully not right at all... for the last little bit before the tattoo parlour you felt as though something or someone was following the impala... 

though you dismissed those feelings as your love now had stopped the car... you looked around and made eye contact with the man who was at your side of the car opening your door... 

Dean: “you ready to have full protection from everything supernatural...”

YN: “im ready to get what stops demons from being able to possess... but how bad is it gonna hurt?”

Dean: “well given the fact that as a hunter you should have a high high pain tolerance... those shoulder resets, the self patching, the feeling you get when you sew yourself up and throw on some whiskey as a antiseptic is how you build that pain tolerance... sure it hurts at first but in our line of work we dont have time to do normal medical procedures... we learn alot from google and it also helps that we have friends of our fathers who are willing to help if we need... now lets go inside and get your tattoo...”

you take his hand as both of you walk inside the parlor... you let dean do most of the talking and then charging it to one of the many cards you had in your wallet... you still had a normal job, you ran your own mechanic shop... 

Dean enjoyed that idea cause he was mainly your main mechanic... you were the only person who Dean would be able to work with the amount of orders and people that came in... 

Dean: “so after this are we gonna go into the shop or gonna go back and see everyone...”

YN: “i do have paper work still to do and there are still 8 cars on the lot that still need fixing...  and we rely on the income its honest and it brings in a living... we have real money on top of all the scams and stuff you guys are running we need honest living... honestly i know its not a huge amount but our garage is the best in this entire side of the usa... we have people coming from everywhere... our garage is gonna make us rich... dont worry we are gonna be fine... now im strong enough to take the pain from this tattoo, and im strong enough to take you and Sam down in sparring... and im strong enough to be a badass huntress...”

Dean: “lets get her done baby girl.”

walking into the back of the tattoo parlor, you expose your chest... only so far as to have your area that you want the tattoo in exposure. the guy came in and began setting up his equipment.

Tattoo guy: “what will it be today?”

you hand him a drawing of the anti-possession symbol with your own personal touch. he loaded the ink into the machine and then he turned to Dean.

Tattoo guy: “this your girl dude?”

Dean: “yeah why?”

tattoo guy: “cause she has real guts to do a tattoo of this caliber, there is gonna be alot of shading to do... now before i get started there might be a little bit of seering pain at first, but there is also the option of a sweet numbing relief if you want it... you wont even feel it...”

YN: “yes i want the numbing relief.”

the tattoo guy gently put a bit of numbing gel on the area then he waited a few moments and then poked you in the numb area to see if you felt anything... you said no... so he proceeded. 

the process total time was 60 minutes... the outline time was 10 minutes, then came the filling in the parts that needed it that was what took the longest... it was a long time in that chair but Dean was the one massaging your back so you didnt stiffen up...

Tattoo guy: “well your almost done kiddo, the last part is what you added as extra it looks like... are you still wanting that on there... or just leave it...”

You had to think about it but then you took a glance at the man who loved you more than his own car (which is really saying something)... but you had found something out a few days ago... you had gone to a doctor you trusted cause you thought something was wrong with you... 

so you wanted to put the date of finding out the news you had been working so hard at hiding from the love of your life... 

YN: “yes put it in holographic silver below the symbol...”

tattoo guy did as requested... you were one of the many normal things that came out of hunting... you tried to be as normal as possible... but no one in their right mind would ever associate hunting with normality...

once the tattoo was done, the guy gave you a care package with instructions for the first 2 weeks for tattoo care. it was one of the proudest moments of being a hunter...

thats when you and Dean left and he asked you about the bonus addition...

YN: “remember how i was feeling off and i went to see the trusted doc and i went alone... i was late... my period was late... i had to make sure nothing was wrong... Dean its been 2 days since that appointment, i didnt want to keep this from you but its better left for when your sitting down, most likely your gonna pass out or something...”

Dean looked at you confused and wary of what you could possibly want to say... but yet waited till you both got back to the hotel you guys were staying at for a mini vacay away from the bunker... 

you both went into the hotel room but you hadnt been drinking the beer, or anything else alcohol related... but of course you werent gonna say why just yet...

getting into the room Dean sat on the bed and you came to sit beside him on the bed...

Dean: “what is so important that you wanted me to sit down for? and what does that extra tattoo mean?”

you were being careful... but then it just all came out just as Dean was taking a swig of his beer..

YN: “Dean im pregnant...”

this is how it happens, that is how you activate Projectile Beer...

Dean: “pregnant? are you sure?”

you pulled the ultra sound from your bag and handed it to Dean... his expression after a bit turned soft and calm... his facials were now full of joy and excitement... 

Dean: “YN i get now why you waited to tell me... dont worry we will not let this child of ours grow up with only one parent... we will both live to raise this child. i love you... and i very proud of you taking the numbing gel for the tattoo, i didnt do that cause it was my father around who told me and Sam to get ours and we wanted to prove ourselves to him... which was... come now darling let us relax...”

you both fall back to the bed and relaxation overtakes you both, now you felt relaxation cause you werent caring around that secret...

[boojersey]

content warning for this long ass fucking story: lots of medical fuckups and body horror in the doctors office. this is super graphic depiction of my doctor visit which entailed a procedure. you have been warned >;)

i went to the foot doctor today to get my lifelong ingrown toenail issue corrected on one toe after i stubbed it so bad the nail split down the middle and the entire top half of my toenail unseated and snapped off and this was easily the weirdest doctor visit ive ever had so strap in folks. so i was talking to the doctor and she was telling me about the procedure and i was like i get to watch right and she was like uh ya if u want ! and she was literally drop dead beautiful in an intelligent and passionate slightly frazzled doctor way and i was so fucking chill every second she was in the room.

the nurses come in and tell me theyre gonna apply the anesthetic and one of them is brand new and in training and i was like UH i need to be laid down. bc if i see the syringe while you do this i WILL pass out. and they were like sweet ok just fine and so the anesthetic involved two syringe applications (since both sides of my toenail get ingrown) basically ballooning up my foot with some anesthetic and as they did this they “froze” my toe with i believe nitrous? it was weird bc it wasnt the same chemical i was familiar with that was a numbing agent but it was a freezy thing anyway. anyway the first syringe goes smoothly. the second one???? FUCKING snaps in half on the way in. the plunger literally *pop* snaps in half and theyre like ...........thats never happened. so they go for another syringe and im like. heave ho in the brain trying to be ok but i was SMART AS SHIT before going to this appointment because i knew what the surgery would entail and i Wanted to watch. so i drank about half a twisted tea and i was feeling very liquid courage otherwise i literally mightve cried during this appointment. anyway. they come back and administer round two again? and THE SAME THING HAPPENS. and my toe is NOT NUMB YET and so i FEEL as the nurse says well im not wasting another needle AND MACGYVERS IT PRETTY MUCH TREATING MY TOE LIKE PLAY DOH AND SQUEEZING ANESTHETIC AROUND SWISHING IT THRU THE FLESH. ALL WHILE I FEEL HER FORCING THE ANESTHETIC IN BY HAND AND NOT BY PLUNGER BASE.it was seriously terrible.

nurses eventually finish. they have to bring me a cup of water. anesthetic didnt totally do its job. i still feel on the bottom of my toe. they say its fine. im thanking the gods im tipsy. i feel as she pokes the bottom of my toe with the surgical pliers again and im about to ask if they can just do it anyway because im so terrified of more anesthetic. the beautiful doctor reenters and im suddenly feeling completely better. she tells me the fact i can feel only on the very bottom is no big deal.

i dont give a shit about the anesthetic. she tourniquets me up at the base of my toe (this is usually something that my phobia kicks in with since its usually a sign im getting a needle; pretty doctor is here so all is well and my anxieties do not appear) and goes ‘still wanna watch?’

the nurse who was training the other answers first saying im skittish. i say yes. her jaw drops. ‘you cant take the needle but you can take watching your toe get ripped apart?’ i nod eagerly. i do not tell her this is because i watch dr miami’s snapchats and ran a gore blog in my teens. i can tell the doctor likes me. she goes into a story about how she’s kind of glad about the new safety features corona brought because she is less able to smell patients with foot odor. as shes saying this shes inserting something inbetween the receding nail and the skin it has so long bruised and hurt in my life and in one smooth motion pries my skin apart. i watch, rapt, as she sections off the piece of the nail she deems ingrown with a pair of scissors, then takes the pliers and like a first grader’s baby tooth yanks and removes the nail. the piece that had been causing me so much pain was ENORMOUS. im talking like a centimeter wide which is a lot for a nail. it’s jagged and sharp, having grown only into whatever flesh it could. she pries out a few more bits, then picks up an object that reminds me of a microscopic spoon? if you’ve seen the tiny kitchen videos it reminds me of what an ice cream scooper would look like on there. she takes this and cores out the area like an eye on a potato. its insane to watch happen to myself, especially with the reminder that its happening to myself in that theres still a dull thumping feeling regardless of the anesthetic during this procedure, theres just no pain or Feeling feeling. she repeats this on the other side, then tells me about the chemical shes going to be inserting into the now gaping wounds in my toe. it’s got a 99.9% chance of making these changes to my toenail width permanent, meaning i should never be plagued by a purple and sore toe just because my brittle nail broke the day before. im practically crying in relief as she takes pointed qtips dipped in this chemical and spin cycles them into the wounds like a pneumatic drill. she gets up and says i should think about the medical field if i dont get queasy at such an event, and i let in on my phobia to the room of her and the two nurses. theyre all clearly confused by the parameters of it as i tell them i have a tattoo and pierce my face, i just cant Look at a syringe or ill pass out. the doctor leaves and im left in her wake of calm as the nurses wrap my toe in bandages. theyre red. it looks like a clown nose for my foot.

i hobble out of the room and schedule my follow up for the other foot. i need a sharps bag taped around the lower portion of my sock because it’s raining as i climb the stairs of my apartment. i have had to piss like a motherfucker the entire procedure but was too afraid to interrupt. i cant wait for the rain to let up to take my socked foot up to the third floor.

my mother tells me its disgusting that i cant shower for the day. i go into my room, drink the rest of the twisted tea, and promptly fall asleep for four hours.

send tweet.

[chocojjk]

Eggs

summary: badboy! changbin if you squint 

words: 7k

warnings: one mention of death by illness

a/n: this took way too long cause i got so lazy lmfao, slide into my inbox with prompts cause idk what to write after this 

not edited per usual, im lazy :(((

you and changbin lived in different worlds

changbin has always been the schools most notorious bad boy

along with his group, 3racha

he was the typical bad boy -- gets into fights, wears leather, barely shows up to class, etc.

after watching countless of rom-coms, you and i, reader, should know that bad boys like to keep to themselves

and they won't bother you unless you cross their territory, not at all different from changbin

someone bullies one of his friends???

you might as well run now , because he will be coming for your ass

he catches you talking shit?

you should probably say goodbye to your mouth and have a doctors appointment ready

the point im trying to make is that seo changbin does not take shit from anyone

which doesn't really matter at this point because everyone has learned to fear him

on the other hand, you're, what they say is a “good girl”

too caught up with your books and your grades, in the library 24/7, worrying too much about the future you envision

you stayed away from drama as much as possible, happy with the 2-3 friends that you have  

and,,,

well,,,

you probably saw this coming,, but just in case you didnt, ill say it

your two different worlds are about to collide

---------------

youve been searching for a little over 20 minutes to where he could be when you finally spotted him at the table all way in the back of the library

you let out the deepest sigh, you shouldve figured he would choose that table jfc

‘he really is sticking to his reputation’ you think to yourself as you made your way over to him

“hi, im y/n, i'm your tutor,” you say, giving him a soft smile

changbin doesn't even bother to reply to you as he got up and left

you were left standing there like,,,

what the fuck just happened ??

before you finally snapped out of your confused trance and chased after him

catching up to him you grab his arm, putting a complete halt to his movement

and suddenly the library was even quieter than it should be

every single eye in the room focused on the interaction that lies in front of them

the notorious bad boy and the goody two shoes,,, how incredibly cliche

he looks at you, his eyes dark and unreadable

the expression on his face was emotionless yet it felt like he was crushing you under his stare

finally noticing that your hand was still gripped around his arm, you quickly let go, letting out a small “ehem”

the tension in the air was thick, it felt like someone just put a dark cloud above your head and you couldn’t blow it away

god damn this was awkward

not even the good awkward where you can laugh about it later, this is the kind of awkward situation that hits you in the middle of the night and suddenly you're just cringing at every bad thing you have done in the past

“uhm, im suppose to tutor you,” you try to say confidently as soon as you found your voice, but really it was barely above a whisper

“maybe show up on time,” he says, his voice as dark and as strong as his aura

and with one final look at you, he walked out of there

you didnt bother anymore, you knew you were at fault

‘we’ll try again tomorrow,’ you think to yourself before your best friend, hyunjin walked up to you, pulling you outside the library  

“dude are you okay?”

“uhmm, why wouldn’t i be?”

“i just saw you talking to changbin”

“ok and ?”

“he’s bad news y/n,” your best friend says, warning you

“ i dont really have a choice hyunjin” you reply

you think back to 3 days ago when you were called to the principal's office

not gonna lie, you were shaking in your boots,, only bad kids get randomly sent to the principal's office

as you entered the room, Mrs. Seo was already waiting for you behind her desk

“hi ms. l/n, i dont think weve formally met,” she says, reaching out to shake your hand

“ its nice to meet you”

“ please, sit down, make yourself comfortable,” she continued, pointing to the seat right in front of her

sensing your nervousness she quickly added a, “don't worry, you're not in trouble”

phew

your brain was starting to hurt from trying to rack what you must have done wrong to be seated in the big office

“ why am i here then if you don't mind me asking?”

“ ah yes, i need you to tutor my son”

,,,,,

oh

(◎_◎;)

,,,

“umm, why me?”

“you're top 1 in the class, is there anyone better than you to do it?”

well,,, she wasn't wrong

you mentally pat yourself at the back for this, happy that your efforts were being noticed

“don't worry ms. l/n, if you succeed, i’ll make sure you get into any college that you desire “

‘pshhhh, im top 1 ms seo, i can do that on my own’ you think to yourself 

“....and fully paid for.”

well, shit , how can you say no to that offer

its literally free education right in your fingertips  

what's the catch??

“ you can do that?” you ask

“ of course. i know very important people. so what do you say?”

and after a few minutes of contemplating within yourself, you finally agreed

“ also, while you're at it, i want you to change my son's reputation.”

and there it is

“ i'm sorry?” you reply,, maybe you just misheard the fact that she literally asked you to change her son

“ i don't just want you to tutor him in english, i want you to make him a better person.”

“how do you expect me to do that?”

“be his friend. teach him the ways of life, i'm not always gonna be around to get him out of trouble. You're a smart girl ms. l/n you'll figure it out.”

without giving you a final say, she ushered you out of there but not before she added

“ one last thing ms. l/n, dont tell anyone about this.”

the way she said it was so scary, and its like a spell was casted on you and you could only utter out an

“ of course mam”

i guess from her standpoint, she made sense

“ i just dont understand why Mrs. Seo chose you out of all the people”

“ we’ve already gon over this hyunjin”

“ yeah yeah, its cause youre the smartest of the class-”

hyunjin continues to talk however you’ve tuned him out as your eyes went to focus on changbin, himself

greeting the rest of his friends, an actual smile on his face, much different from the changbin you encountered a couple minutes ago

he gets up on his motorcycle and was about ready to put his helmet on when he felt someone staring at him ( i told yall, tYpiCAl bad boy )

he whips his head around in quick search for the culprit

and for the second time that day, you found yourself looking in the dark brown eyes of the the one and only, seo changbin

his smile quickly disappearing once he found your eyes

putting on his helmet whilst still maintaining the eye contact, he quickly drove away and you can't help but continue to just watch his figure retreat to the size of a dot until he was completely away from your line of vision

the next day - friday

you were in the library, seated in the table changbin used the day before

unlike yesterday, you were there dummy early

exactly 30 minutes before the actual tutoring session

he wasn't going to get away this time

finally , the chair across from you gets occupied, a backpack loudly flopping its way unto the table

he doesn't say a word,

he doesn't even look at you

he just sits there, staring at the table between you guys

“uhm, i think we got on the wrong foot yesterday, im y/n”

you say, a wide smile on your face, trying to change the atmosphere

he scoffs at this

‘omyfuckinggod who does he think he is’

‘im gonna fucking murder this kid’

‘his mom was right when he said he needed to change’

as much as you wanted to just punch him in the face, you plastered a small smile on your face instead

“should we start?” you continue

“i guess”

for the next hour, you learn that changbin doesn’t even need tutoring

he was definitely smarter than he lead on

he knew the answer to every single question you asked and didnt even seem like he was trying 

“uhmm, changbin can i ask you something?”

he just nods at you, urging you to go on

“are you failing your class on purpose?”

and with that he stands up, giving you a small smirk, “i think this session is over,”

“i-okay- i-i’ll see you on monday!” you say even though he was already a good 5 feet away from you  

-----------

as you laid in your bed that night, you wondered why the boy chose to fail his class

but no matter what scenario you could think of, you just cant understand it

is this what privileged people do ?

they know that they can get away with anything so they dont even try ?

‘aish, why am i thinking about him,’

‘y/n stop it’

‘ahhhhh’

you tried forcing yourself to sleep, to completely shut off all thoughts

but damn that stupid smirk on his face just keeps reappearing

and with that you slapped your pillow unto your face, not at all excited for the days to come

saturday night - 9 pm

to be honest, you weren't the type to go out on a saturday night

however you stayed in bed the whole day binging your netflix shows that you completely forgot to run your errands

so now you're here, at the local supermarket, buying your weekly groceries

you may be asking why can't your parents just do it?

well,,,

you only live with your mom, and she was very busy running the night shift at the hospital + picking up extra shifts

so she's really never home 

and when she is, she crashes right to sleep, exhausted from work

so ever since two years ago, when you turned 16, this has been the life that you were used to

you weren't complaining of course, she was only working to provide for you and your future

the least you could do is help around the house

after a good 7 minutes, you finally gathered everything that you needed

eggs, check

bread, check

peanut butter, check

a bag of hot cheetos,,,, check check and check

you nodded, proud of yourself for finishing it so fast and made your way to your car until a loud crash stops you from doing so

the next thing you know, you were being dragged into the alleyway

“1!!!!1111! I- get off of me,” you say thrashing and kicking, trying to get away

‘oh god, im gonna die tonight,’

‘if there is a god out there,, pls,,, not tonight’

‘i haven't finished my netflix series yet,, plssss’

however your thoughts were cut short when your captor whispered, “shhh, its changbin”

changbin??

chaNgbIN???

chANGBIN???

he finally turns you around, making you face him

“play along if you don't want to get hurt,”

and in one quick motion, his lips were on yours,,,

seo changbin was kissing you

your eyes open, stunned at what was happening

and then you noticed it...5 men walking around the area

and hoping that you've watched the right dramas, you pieced together what you think is happening

leading you to closing your eyes and kissing him back

which honestly caught changbin off guard, “good girls” dont react this way???

but he’d never let you know that, as he pulled you closer to him,

his arms snaking  around your waist

your hands going around his neck, the grocery bag being forgotten

yall were full on making out now

too caught up with each other’s taste to even notice the 5 guys leaving

(((im really bad at writing these kinds of scenes jfc, this sounds awkward as hell pls just picture it)))

until finally after like 23823 years, you pulled away, trying to catch your breath

damn, that kiss was good

probably the best one you’ve ever had

what????

just cause you're a goody-two-shoes doesn't mean you haven't been kissed before okay,,, were not going THAT cliche

he slowly lets go of you, his eyes darting to the grocery bag on the ground

“your eggs are broken,” he says

“m-my eggs?”, you reply, still on cloud nine,

following his gaze, you snapped out of your daze

“oh, r-right, my eggs,” you say softly, a frown making its way upon your face

changbin grabs your hand, pulling you towards the grocery store

“what are you doing?”

as usual, he doesn’t reply

honestly, you should be used to this by now

he dashes around the supermarket

you were right behind him, trying to keep up with his fast paced speed

finally, he gets to his location, the egg aisle

“which one do you want?”

“what?”

“eggs, which one?” he replies

“uhm, you don't have to, i can ju-”

“i'm not doing this for you,” he replies, cutting you off

you looked at him , not knowing what he meant

‘if he wasn't doing it for me then who the fuck is he buying these eggs for, i don't see anyone else here’

sensing your dumbness he grabbed a carton of the most expensive eggs and made his way to the cashier, pulling you along  

and you don't know why, or what has gotten into you, but all you could do was watch and follow

“here. were even now.” he says, before walking away, leaving you in front of the grocery store, holding a carton of eggs

monday

and now we’re back to the start of the week

which means another week of tutoring

as you waited for changbin to show up at the usual spot, you can’t help but think back to two nights ago

the feeling of his lips against yours all a distant memory yet at the same time, one that you could still remember clearly

“hey,” changbin says, breaking you out of your thoughts

“hi?” you reply, confused as to why he even greeted you in the first place

you guys do the usual, read a couple of flash cards, learn new words blah blah blah and all that boring crap that you learn in a high school English class

at one point you guys find yourself just sat in silence, and you can’t help but ask the question that’s been on your mind since Saturday night

“so who were those guys?”

“doesn’t concern you”

“uhm, the fact that you had your tongue down my mouth says otherwise,”

changbin was shocked, he wasn’t used to people responding to him the way you just did

don’t you know who he is???

he gives you one of his signature smirks, regaining his composure

“you liked my tongue being down your throat,” he says teasingly

o_O

＜(。_。)＞

excuse me what

is he flirting with you ??

what’s happening ??

“who said I did?” you say mimicking his tone, not allowing yourself to back down of this conversation

after Saturday night you told yourself that you were never going to just watch and follow

if you didn’t want the damn egg, you should’ve said something, you were so disappointed in yourself

you had your own brain, you can make your own decisions

besides you were here to be in control over him, not the other way around

“oh cmon, you’re really gonna try to refute it??” he says, the stupid smirk still evident on his stupid face

god, how you wish you could just smack it off

with your mouth

wait, who said that???

“you enjoyed it just as much as I did,” you say, knowing that if you answer then he would stop

and you were right, he completely shut his mouth and let the silence envelop you once again

“they were kids from another school,”

you look up at him, shocked that he actually answered

“why were they looking for you?”

“I may have keyed their car,” he says chuckling

“Because?”

“Isn’t that enough questions y/n?”

y/n

that was the first time he’s ever said your name

and you weren’t gonna lie, you liked how it sounded

“sorry”

“it’s fine”

“i don’t want to question it but why are you being so nice?”

“you helped me out without questioning me which means you trust me. im just returning the favor.”

“so, what im hearing is , you trust me?”

<(￣︶￣)>

“don’t make me have to say it out loud”

trust

you don’t know how you did it so quickly,

maybe the gods are at your side, but you finally got thE seo changbin to trust you

2  weeks later

you’ve been tutoring changbin just the same

same time

same table

same library

however, so much has changed

mostly the dynamic of your guys’ relationship

it was like he was a totally different person

like I said before, changbin was smart

but in these last couple of days, you realized just how smart he actually was,

he can honestly probably give you a run for your money

and because of this, your past tutoring sessions have ended up with you guys just laughing and joking around

weird, right ?

changbin and laughing ?

who would’ve thought ??

even onlookers were surprised

and everytime changbin laughed at one of your guys’ silly antics, you swear you can hear a pin drop

the whole room just becomes silent

at first, it bothered you how people were just listening in to your conversation, obviously judging the scene

but as the days went by and it seemed that changbin could care less, you started not caring either

and if you were being completely honest, you looked forward to spending time with him

when changbin was with you, it was just you and changbin, nothing else

he somehow manages to make you forget about reality

“lets ditch tutoring sessions today,” he says as soon as he took the seat next to you

“changbin, no”

“c’mon y/n, live a little”

“excuse you! I do have a life!”

“making out with your homework and watching Netflix shows 24/7 is not a life”

“okAy, now you’re just being mean,” you say, pouting at him

“im not being mean, I’m being honest,”

“yeAH and?? no one asked for your honesty,”

changbin laughs at this

lately he found himself laughing more

and for once, he didn’t mind it

you were doing something to him

and he liked it

“cmon, I’m not taking no for an answer,” he says, packing up your things

you sigh in defeat

you know that once changbin sets his mind to something, there's no changing it

so here you are, standing in front of an abandoned music building

“uhhhh, what are we doing here?”

“have you ever trespassed before?” he replies, a smug smile on his face

“nu-uh nope, no way in hell changbin!” you say, your attempt to stop this from happening

however, changbin was already making his way towards the door, completely breaking the lock

aannnndd

he was inside  

“c’mon y/n,” he says reaching out his hand to yours

even though all you need to do is take two steps forward and you're officially a criminal

you were scared shitless

what happens if you get caught omg

almost like he was reading your mind, he quickly says, “y/n, ive been here over a million times and ive never gotten caught,”

“i dont know changbin”

“hm, thats too bad, i wanted to share a secret with you,” he says, a hint of playfulness in his voice before he stepped out of the building and made his way towards his motorcycle

but of course,,,

you being a nosy bitch

“wait,”

“yes?”

“lets go inside”

you guys enter the building, the rooms getting darker and darker the deeper you go (this building is huge okAY)

if you weren't shitting your pants before, you definitely are now 

an abandoned building???

and its dark???

youve seen this in every scary movie out there

it never goes well

“uhm changbin,” you whisper, as you guys continue to walk

“hm”

“i-um can i hold your hand? im scared and - actually you know what its fine its dumb you dont hav-”

but before you can even finish your sentence, his hand were already laced around yours, providing you the comfort and security that you were looking for

you shut your mouth after that, just letting changbin lead the way

passing by so many rooms, each one looking the same as the other, it was starting to feel like a maze

however , changbin seemed to know exactly where to go

‘I guess he has been here over a million times’ you thought to yourself

“were here,” he says, opening the door and letting go of your hands as he reached out for the lights

not gonna lie, you were missing the way his hand felt around yours but thats not the time to think about that

“a music room?” you asked, clearly puzzled

“yeah, you might not know this about me but i can spit barsss,” he says, letting out chuckle

“eyE”

“you dont believe me huh”

“absolutely not”

“ok, watch this”

and with that he entered the recording booth, of course not after he pressed a bunch of buttons

honestly , you have no idea what he’s doing

but as soon as he put the headphones on

*cue any 3racha song because im too indecisive to choose one*

he was,,

indeed,,,

spitting bars

you could not believe your ears

who the fuck is this

you stood there, stunned at the fact the he was rapping about real shit and not something stupid and meaningless (rip wow, she is meaNinGFUL to me okAY)

after he finished rapping, the room was absolute silent

changbin felt dumb, he thought you were gonna praise him but there you were not uttering a single word,

he need you to say something ,anything,, hell, you can even laugh

he’d prefer anything over the silence  

he’s literally the ‘i just showed u my dick pls respond’ meme but its like ‘i showed u my talent pls validate me’

avoiding to make eye contact with you, he walks out of the recording booth

sitting on the couch against the wall, he finally breaks the silence

“so yeah, thats a song my friends and i wrote, its stupid-”

“its not stupid.” you say quickly

“oh?”

“since when where you into this?” you ask, curiosity filling your eyes, taking the seat right next to him

“what do you mean? music?? everyone’s into music y/n” changbin retorts, not wanting to go into detail

“hhhh, you know what i mean changbin,”

changbin doesnt know why

but he wanted to share this side of him with you

maybe because you were the first person that he has ever allowed himself to be close with

or maybe it was because you stuck around him for this long, no one, besides chan and jisung were able to do that

whatever it was, he wants to keep you by his side

he figured that showing you his true self would do just that

so after having a battle with his inner thoughts, he finally says

“my dad was really into this stuff, he taught me everything i know,” changbin beamed

“oh! thats really cool, do you still make music with him?” you say, genuinely interested, youve never really heard about his dad before

“uhmm, hes not really around for me to do that,”

aaaannd,,, thats why,, god reader smh

“oh, im sorry,” you say softly, mentally slapping yourself

“no its okay, you didnt know….he passed away when i was 11”

“what happened?,,,, y-you dont have to tell me if you dont want to,” you quickly added

“I want to,” changbin says, reassuring you

“he just,,, he just died in his sleep, apparently it was a stroke,” sighing, he looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold back his tears

“you must miss him,” you say, your voice still soft

for the first time since youve met changbin, he resembled a piece of glass

so fragile

he was giving you a piece of him, letting you see clearly a part of who he was

and all you wanna do is make sure that you won’t break that piece

“he built this studio...wanted to start his own music company,” he continued as you sat there just listening to him

“my mom hates it though, she stopped funding this place as soon as she can,”

oh

the mention of his mom suddenly brought you back to the deal that you have made 2 weeks ago

and god, you felt guilty

you were here, trying to change him, when nothing should be changed

sure seo changbin had a bad reputation but he is not bad

he’s just protective is all

to be honest, he was one of the kindest, gentlest soul you have met

“i promised myself that i would continue our dream, for him and me, but mostly for him,”

“i-is that why youre failing your classes?” you ask, everything finally piecing together

“huh?”

“you dont care about school because you already know what you want to do...where you want to be”

“hm, you truly are a smart girl y/n,” he says before nodding and flashing you a smile

those words

so similar to the ones his mom has given you

but this time you weren't in the mood to pat yourself in the back

because shit, this is thE dumbest thing you've ever done in your life

after hearing this, you made up your mind, you werent gonna partake in this deal anymore

if you were really as smart as everyone says, you can get into the school you want without any problem

sure it won't be free, but your mom aint working her ass off during her nightly shifts for nothing

and so, right when you go to school tomorrow, you were determined to end it

you’d still tutor changbin, you just won't accept any of the perks that came along with it

“thank you for sharing this with me,” you say genuinely, a smile creeping unto your face

“thank you for caring enough to listen,” changbin replies, his smile getting wider

and then it hits you,

“wait, so you mean to tell me that this is YOUR studio all along??”

and at this changbin lets out the loudest laugh

and you can't help but mirror his actions

1 week later

oof, that time jump, i thought you were gonna end it the next day reader

welp,,

you work hard, but somehow satan, aka the author, works harder

Mrs. Seo had to leave for two weeks, attending board meetings around the country, and whatever principals do,,, i'm too lazy to research what they actually do  

╥﹏╥

and so you spent another week, with seo changbin by your side

one week down, another to go

and when that day comes, you can finally freely hang out with him without all the guilt eating you up

this week you guys even hung out outside of the library

you’ve been with him so much, even your friends have started to notice it

“y/n, are you coming with us to the movies,” felix asks

“oh,, umm sorry guys, i cant,”

“who else are you gonna be with? i thought we were your only friends,” minho pointed out, a pout on his face  

“with changbin of course,” hyunjin hissed, obviously upset that you have been pushing them to the side  

“ i can hang out with anyone that i want,” you argued, really not having any of his attitude 

“ you shouldnt hang out with people like him,” hyunjin retorted

you scoffed, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“i mean blink once if youre being held captive” hyunjin joked, as the rest of the table snickered

however, you didn't find it funny,

who were they to talk about changbin like that??

they didnt even know him

and so you stood up, leaving all your friends calling out for you

-------------

walking to the table, you flopped down on your chair, slamming your backpack on the floor

“what's got you in such a bad mood?” changbin asks

“nothing,” you huffed, getting your materials out of your backpack

you didn't want to tell changbin that your best friends think hes the devil himself and didn't want you around him

meanwhile , changbin was annoyed

it seems like he's shared so much with you since the music room yet he still barely knows anything about you

he wondered that maybe you didn't want to be in his life the way he wanted to be in yours

but fuck it, he’s just gonna spend the time he has with you enjoying it rather than filling his mind with negative thoughts

but damn, you're frown was really bothering him

“y/n,” he says, calling out to you

no response

“y/n,” he continues, poking you on the elbow

still no response

“y/n”

You sigh, looking up at him, an emotionless expression on your face, you responded with a strong, “what.”

*insert changbin doing aegyo*

and with that , you lost it

you were an absolute madman

you never expected that the one and only seo changbin

notorious badboy

would ever do aegyo

all because you had a stupid frown on yourself

you laughed so loud

changbin doing the same as soon as your melodic laugh hit his ears

which resulted to you guys being kicked out of the library

-------------

“ i cant believe you got me kicked out of my favorite place,” you say, seated in a booth inside the ice cream parlor near your guys’ school

another one of changbins ideas

“ hey its not my fault you laugh like a hyena!” he says smiling before you threw a curled up paper tissue at his face

a couple of seconds later, after your laughter has died down

“ so, you want to tell me now why you were in such a sour mood?”

you knew that if you werent gonna tell him now that would still end up finding out about it from someone else

and so you came clean

“ its just my friends,,,, they dont think youre a good influence, wants me to stop hanging out with you” you say

“ oh,”

“ but dont worry!, i didnt listen to them, i actually told them off,” you confessed

“ why didnt you listen to them? theyve been your friends longer than youve known me?” he asks

“ because they dont know you” you reply, “and im sure if they did, they would also be friends with you”

as much as he appreciated the way you stood up for him, he didnt want you going through all that trouble 

‘god, what did he even do to deserve an angel like you,’ changbin thinks to himself 

“ don't tell them off next time,” he grunted

“ wh-what?”

“ everything they say about me is true”

“ changbin, no its not”

“ honestly y/n it doesnt bother me so dont let it bother you”

“ why doesnt it bother you?” you ask, wanting to know the reason

“ because its high school. after this, literally no one would care anymore. and then real life starts, people move on and worry about bigger things, things that actually matter more than the status quo. let them say what they say.”

and just like every other time, changbin has left you stunned

the arrival of Ms. Seo - tuesday 

a week has passed since the ice cream parlor

and Ms. Seo was back in town

this was it

the day you finally put a halt to it

and you were beyond ready

you haven't seen changbin all day

you figured that since his mom was back then he was also back to avoiding the school like it was a plague

you entered Ms. Seos room, determined

“Ms. Seo -”

She puts a hand up to her lips, signaling you to be quiet

‘bitch omygod i literally cant keep doing this any longer,’

‘its already been over a month’

so you ignored her warning

“im not doing this deal anymore. I’ll still tutor changbin but I won’t change him,,,, and you can keep your stupid money,” you let out, releasing all the bottled up emotions

“is that all,”she replies

“yes”

“then you may leave”

what???

it was that easy????

you thought she was gonna stop you, force you to hold your end of the bargain

if you knew it would’ve been this easy then you wouldn’t have worried over it so much

but you don’t know a lot of things

and you certainly didnt know that changbin was on the other line

later that day

you’re seated in the library

usual place, usual time, waiting for the one and only seo changbin, yet he never showed

you didn’t think much of it

‘maybe he just forgot’ you tell yourself

the next day - wednesday

here you were again, waiting for him

still nothing

you try and think of reasons why he wouldn’t show up two days in a row and can really only think of one - maybe his mom told him that he didn’t need tutoring anymore?

but surely, he would tell you

right ???

sure you guys started off on the wrong foot but you were friends now

at least you thought so

you decided to just give him the benefit of the doubt

‘maybe he’s just busy’

2 days later - friday

you’ve tried everything you can do to get a hold of changbin

all your calls went straight to voicemail

texts were left on delivered

you didn’t even see him around school anymore

it was like your worlds never collided and he was never a part of yours

you were starting to get worried, what if he got himself into trouble

“look who decided to show her face,” hyunjin comments as you took the seat next to him

ever since the day you guys had your argument, you have never been able to talk to him about it

“im not in the mood,” you reply,

hyunjin sensing that you were exhausted,

“hey,” he says softly, “what’s wrong?”

“nothing”

“y/n please, we’ve been friends for over 3 years, you don’t need to lie to me”

“aren’t you mad at me?”

“no. im upset that you’ve been pushing us to the side for your little boy toy but im not mad,” he says giving you a soft smile

hhhhh, it was times like these you remember why he was your best friend

hyunjin was just so thoughtful, so caring

you return the smile he gave you as you pulled him in for a tight hug

“I’m sorry hyunjin”

“it’s okay, im sorry too, now tell me what’s wrong?”

“it’s just changbin-“

“I swear to god, if he even laid a finger on you he’s a dead man”

“no!” you say quickly putting an end to his assumption

“so what happened?” he asks, eyebrows going up in sheer curiosity

and then you told him

you told him about the deal with Ms. seo

about how your relationship with changbin changed along the way

how you ended the deal

and now we’re back to changbin and ignoring you

“damn, well have you tried actually going to him?”

“i wouldnt even know where -”

and then it hits you

the abandoned music building

“hyunjin, youre a genius!!!,” you say excitedly

“thanks, we been knew”

“ i have to go ill explain later, bye!!” you say, dashing out of there as fast as you could and made your way to the abandoned building

taking the bus there gave you time to reflect on everything that has happened this past couple month

how much your life has changed since changbin entered it

he pushed you to take risks, to live out of your comfort zone, to not care about other people’s opinions

he made you feel free

and most importantly, he made you happy

the good girl has fallen for the bad boy, i told yall this was gonna be cliche right?

continuing on

just as you  expected, the door was open

the dark didnt even bother you anymore, the only thing in your mind was changbin

oh,, where could he be??

could you ever find your way into this maze of a building and retrace the steps that he took when he was by your side?

as you got deeper and deeper into the building, you feel yourself start to get lost

‘fuck i already saw this door’

‘omg y/n did you really just walk in a circle’

and then you hear it

music, singing

your nightingale

you walk faster, desperate to get to the voice

and here you are now, face to face with the one and only, seo changbin

he stops singing as soon as he saw you walk in

“hey,” you whisper out yet he continued to just stand there, not uttering a single word

“your voice is really pretty, i didnt know you could sing!-”

“what do you want?” his voice, dark and firm just like the day you first met him

This caught you off guard

Did you do something wrong?

“Did i do something wrong?” you say, not aware that you have said your thoughts out loud

changbin chuckles but it was so uninviting, like he was taunting you

“ please, drop the act”

?????

“what?” you reply, completely confused

“ you dont like me ”

“ changbin, what?”

“ you're just like everyone else”

“ changbin i really dont understand pl-”

“ i shouldn't have trusted you.”

“ what?!??, no changbin, you can trust me! just tell me whats wrong!”

all the while, you guys were still talking with a glass between the two of you

ironic, since you felt like a wall has been planted around changbin and you cant reach him  

“ you think i should change”

“ no”

“ what do you mean no? I heard you y/n! I heard what you told my mom, i heard about the stupid deal, the stupid money!”

(⊙…⊙,)

“ changbin, let me explain”

“ i know im known as the bad boy y/n, but you… youre even worse than me”

“ changbin.”

“ youre a monster”

and with hearing those words, the tears that you have been so desperately trying to keep just bursted out like a waterfall

changbin too, has let out his tears

and all we got now are two broken people who can clearly see each other yet are still on opposite sides of the glass

“ you're just like everyone out there that you have resented, you judged me by other people’s words, i thought- i thought that i can finally found someone i could open up to but you never even gave me chance from the beginning”

you let him talk without interrupting him

you deserved the ache you were feeling in your heart

everything he said was true

and with that he breaks down, straight to the floor, back against the wall, hugging his knees

and all you could do was watch, until you couldn't take it anymore

you finally entered the recording booth , taking a seat on the floor right next to him, mimicking his broken figure

“im sorry”

silence

you looked up at the ceiling as you sighed

he deserves an explanation

“ yes, i took the deal, but that's because i thought i needed it changbin. I may be smart, but financially my family isn't doing well. my mom already works extra shifts but it still won't be enough. my dad isnt even in the picture, i dont know where the hell he is”

and with this, changbins head slowly perks up, looking at you with his glass-like eyes, as you continued to stare at the ceiling

you were finally opening up to him

just like how he has been doing

“ i took the deal because, you’re right, i judged you, i was stupid and i never expected us to actually be friends, clearly i was wrong. you have taught me so much. you have pushed me into doing things i never thought i could do. you made me see the world in a different way.”

he’s still just listening to you when you finally took your eyes away from the ceiling and faced him

“ i understand if you dont want to see me anymore but i cant leave you knowing that i never got to say this,” you continue, afraid of the results that were about to come

“ what else are you hiding from me?” he says, but this time, he says it softly, the furious changbin that you have encountered just minutes ago was completely gone

“ i think im in love with you,” you say, quickly looking down, embarrassed at your confession

“ y/n look at me,”

“ i dont want to”

“ why?”

“ i know you're gonna break my heart”

“ you broke mine first,” and with that he lifted your chin up, making you look him straight into his eyes before kissing you

this kiss was different from your first one

it was slow but passionate, filled with all of the unsaid words between the two of you

your guys lips both slightly chapped from all the crying

yet his lips still felt like the softest pair against yours

pulling away, changbin leans his forehead against yours, his eyes closed

yours were open though, taking the sight all in before you pulled away, wiping away his left over tears

“ god, were a mess,” he finally says out loud, before he pulled you in a tight hug 

“ im sorry,” you say again

“ i’ll forgive you if you promise to continue tutoring me?”

“ what ?”

“ continue the deal, get the money”

“ changbin, i really don't want to do that”

“ i know you dont. but we have to finesse my mom somehow,” he says, bursting into a smile, clearly joking

…

..

“eYE,,, i cannot believe you right now! You can't be serious!”

“ but i am. go back into her office tell her you’ll continue it and get the money for your education.”

“changbin! stop joking! I already feel bad about it!”

“Okay fine i just like it when you tutor me okay, its kinda sexy” he says

playfully slapping him, you guys laugh, the tension in the air finally gone

“ you know if you didnt buy me those eggs, we wouldnt be here by now,” you say, a small smile on your face

“ hmm, and why?”

“ because those eggs were the first time i realized that the most notorious bad boy, the one and only Seo Changbin, can also be soft,”

“ do not use my name and soft in the same sentence ever again,”

“ what are you gonna do about it?” you reply, taunting him

and so

he pulled you into another kiss

and another

and another

until a series of laughter coming from the both of you interrupted it

“im glad i bought you those eggs”

hhhhhhh this ending is so rushed and so bad i just didnt wanna leave it unfinished 

ALSO IM SEEING STRAY KIDS BITCHES!!!!!,,,,,, MY SEAT HELLA FAR BUTS ITS OKAY BECAUSE ILL STILL BE THERE ╭(′▽`)╭(′▽`)╯

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent / personal / tmi / menstruation / endometriosis / long post ... Im so fucking sick of healthcare professionals telling me to just wait it out and pushing my problems onto other doctors I just got my 5th shot of lupron and have 1 more next month. On my appointment last week i told the gyn how ive been having much more cramping and tissue but not blood coming out regularly and he said its possible the combined lupron and norethindrone are making my uterine lining too thin, and to stop the norethindrone (it was being prescribed to help any menopause-like side effects the lupron can have) And less than 24 hours after my first missed dose i get a full blown period complete with extreme mood swings and depression Im not bleeding this week but im still cramping and the mood swings are so fucking bad, being chronically ill and not getting enough relief from any of my medications is making all of this worse but im literally breaking down over any little thing The lupron and norethindrone combined i guess have been suppressing all my emotions bc this is what it was like on the daily before i started it (just not as bad) which is telling me that none of my psych meds are working but whatever I just now got off the phone with my psych and he said he doesnt want to do anything with my meds or dosing bc he says its related to hormones and thats what my gyn needs to address and i Need To Wait im fucking sick of waiting i cant do this ive been waiting since last august!!!!!!! I now have to wait 2 more whole months of mood swings until i can have another appointment with him hes refused to actually screen me for adhd too and says its bc im An Artist type that im not able to sit down and draw anything since last fall like i fucking hate him and he never gets my name or pronouns right and i cant go see a new psych bc of all the closures and i dont wanna call my gyn bc he said if things get worse i need to have a pelvic ultrasound done again and i cant do it!!! I fucking cant do it it hurts too much im too traumatized from depoprovera and mirena that i cant even touch myself without extreme dysphoria and fear that im going to cramp Its killing me that as someone who was so personally sexual to completely be traumatized from the road to an endometriosis diagnosis that i can no longer masturbate or even talk about sex without anxiety and being trans on top of it hurts even more Next gyn appt is my last injection of lupron and im really gonna push to plan for a partial hysterectomy (i only had endo cysts on the back of my uterus but it was 100% confirmed with surgery and biopsy) so i hope it will help so i can stop taking all these fucking hormonal medications like Before being diagnosed i was really planning on going on testosterone but now im too scared because i feel like it would really fuck up my health problems more - mentally and physically Ive given up on passing and am trying to focus on body acceptance especially now that ove had rapid weight gain that isnt being addressed by any of ky doctors i bring it up to God im just trying to vent here but seriously Do not take the diagnosis of endometriosis lightly its super serious to go forth with any treatments and you really have to commit to long term treatments and its a gamble either way For me not starting any treatments was unacceptable i needed help with extreme monthly periods and all forms of birth control ive tried exacerbated symptoms and never stopped bleeding - i literally cannot personally recommend any form of medical birth control bc every one has fucked me over, many different pills at different points in my life, shot (depoprovera gave me debilitating cramps and i bled non stop all 3 months which started this whole journey to diagnosis), iud (iud was the worst i had to go to the er bc the gyn refused to give me pain meds and i was screaming in pain a few hours later unBle to move or think - i really cannot stress enough how painful and long insertion is like it was the longest 5-10 minutes of my life crying while it felt like a knife going through me) I really dont want that ultrasound tho ffs i had to get the first one done while i was in full force cramps during my depoprovera shot and the pelvic ultrasound rod is humongous and they dig it around inside you (i already had a painful and hard time trying to have pleasurable penetration even by myself or with partners) and it takes like 40 minutes of jumbling around your insides for them to document every thing like at least at that time i was only like 2 months from my last time jerking off but now its been almost 6 months of me not even thinking about putting more than one finger in to clean myself in the shower like to go right into an huge ultrasound is going to be so painful and anxiety inducing and i cant do it id rather go straight into surgery My biggest phobias have to do with pain around this part of my anatomy i cannot stress enough how long ive wanted a hysterectomy just so i dont have to fear accidentally getting p r e g... like i would literally kms... i would probably be able to handle the pain of cutting off my arm with a rusty knife better than extreme cramping pain like i had with the iud or ultrasound its such a phobia and now its source of trauma for me from everything ive gone through the last 6 months Having to readjust my life goals from doing p o r n as a hobby and wanting to transition and be who i am, to becoming a vegetable and trying to cope with the fact that i cant ever transition how i hoped Everything just really sucks for me right now and i have literally no social life any more, not even online bc im so stressed about my health and my attention is so bad i cant focus on a convo online, my laptop is about at its grave so all i have is a phone and xbox with bare minimum internet speed.. i live in the middle of nowhere and cant get my license bc the person who was guiding me to drive is an essential worker in a hospital so i cant go in their car any more... im just so fucking alone i cant do anything except break my back gardening and then cry about it later bc my fucking meds dont fucking work!!!!!!!!! Oh thats another thing im also dealing with fucking gerd on top of all this and i cant get the proceedure i need done to confirm if i need surgery or not bc the fucking lockdown!!!! So im stuck taking pantoprazole (been trying similar meds since march 2019 and its currently june 2020!!!!!!) I just want to eat tomatoes and chocolate again it fucking kills me if i dont take pantoprazole i will lose my voice and have such a sore throat and ears from the stomach acid and i know im gonna have to stop it for 2 weeks for one of the tests i need done and its going to be literal hell like it feels worse than strep throat ill probably do the thing where i start choking and coughing at night bc it gets so bad Im a fucking mess like why couldnt all of this happen one at a time I really want to get my belly pierced again bc i feel so naked without it but i cant bc i probably will be having 2 surgeries once covid blows over (if it ever does) Sorry for taking up so much dash space im just really hurting and need some outlet bc therapy isnt helping rn

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

everyone shut the fuck up and CONSIDER trans girl iida

she supposes she always knew unconsciously that there was something different about her but she never rlly put much thought into it until some ppl in the class come out as trans* (like aoyama’s genderfluid, tokoyami’s a demiboy, nd tsu and jirou are trans girls)

and as class rep, but also (and arguably more importantly) their friends, iida wants to make sure she can make them as comfortable as possible abt coming out so she does some research nd stuff. like she knew trans people existed and were valid nd such before but she wanted to get more than just the basic facts

and shes happy for her friends! shes glad they trusted their class enough to tell them, shes glad she can be there for them. but she also notices that she feels rlly...weird? and she keeps doing research just because.......its interesting. but she doesnt know why she finds it so interesting?? and she gets kinda insecure abt that

so she keeps diggin into it and reads posts that trans ppl have made abt their experiences and just classic shitposts nd all that. she thinks the community is great!! and also she finds some fresh wholesome memes to share w her friends so its all the better. right?

but eventually she finds a community of trans girls specifically and she just absolutely COMBS through that. reads every single post there that she can find. but coincidentally she also feels even more insecure now bc shes starting to unconsciously question her gender nd stuff and lets be real folks. an identity crisis is not fun

couple this with the fact that she doesnt experience the traditional dysphoria(tm) that other trans girls seem to universally share, iida gets rlly down abt it. nd it gets to the point she rlly raaaaags on herself for still lookin thro these posts nd stuff and still subtly questioning herself and shes just rlly unhappy at the time :[

nd she doesnt wanna like make tsu or jirou uncomfortable so she doesnt wanna ask them abt it but shes so confused nd frankly hurt and she doesnt know what going oooonnnn with herself

so shes just in this complete funk for a while nd it starts to affect her grades and performance in training. her friends know smths up but iida doesnt know how to even explain how shes feeling so its not necessarily that she doesnt WANT to go to her friends but she literally does not know how to. anyway eventually aizawa keeps her after class and is like “ok iida smths up im gonna call tensei if u dont talk to me”

iida feels absolute HORROR at the prospect of tensei somehow finding out abt this bc oh shit what if he doesnt want her carrying on the name of ingenium anymore??? what if he thinks shes a freak??? what if he thinks shes not really a girl and shes just faking it to be special?? what if- and oh shit thats the first time iida rlly consciously thought to herself “im a girl but what if others dont think i am?”

so she kinda bursts into tears and aizawa internally is like “oh jesus what the fuck” but externally hes like “iida?? r u ok?? was it something i said?? oh fuu- is something wrong with tensei??” and iida just kinda speaks thro her cries like “no nothings wrong with tensei something’s wrong with me” and ill be real folks its real sad girl hours for a bit

anyway iida doesnt rlly elaborate much beyond that bc shes so ashamed and embarrassed but aizawa is like “u’ve gotta talk to someone iida ur friends r worried and frankly i am as well” and iida eventually promises to talk to someone

soo she comes to terms that since she so confused it would be best to ask tsu and jirou abt it even if shes,,,,so v concerned,,,abt making them uncomfortable. but she manages to convince herself that she rlly does need some guidance here and better to ask ppl who know her than ask on the internet sooo

thankfully while iida is working up the courage to ask tsu and jirou to talk, she finds posts derailing terf and truscum shit so she feels. a lot lot better abt everything but particularly the lack of any intense dysphoria she had after reading stuff like that, esp the more verified(tm) articles from the more verified(tm) authors (like doctors and psychoneurologists and such)

so she figures out how she wants to word her questions nd asks tsu nd jirou to meet up. tsu nd jirou agree right away bc all of class 1-a is worried abt their class rep at this point :[ so theyre happy shes finally reaching out

iida is kinda a disaster when tryin to talk but she gets her point across. like “uhh this is a rlly bad way to ask but how did u guys know u were,,,trans?” nd tsu immediately catches on but jirou is only a lil suspicious until further into the conversation

anyway eventually jirou catches on the same as tsu and thats when tsu asks “iida do u think ur trans??”

nd iida is sooooooooo tired of feeling ashamed bc damn. she does think shes trans! she does. she shouldnt feel guilty for how she feels she cant help that. so after takin a moment to steel herself she says “yea” as confidently as one can in the situation

tsu nd jirou r immediately supportive nd ask iida for more details abt how shes feeling nd iida is just,,,so happy,, since shes already on an honesty streak that afternoon, shes able to roughly get her wack emotions into words nd tsu and jirou are like “yea thats valid ur valid iida. it doesnt matter if u dont have the trademark dysphoria or that u didnt know until later in life like ur still young. u say ur a girl, ur a girl” iida cries but only a bit bc damn months of agonizing over this. we stan one trans girl trio.........

anyway tsu and jirou ask her how she wants to move forward i.e. transitioning or telling anyone, and iida hadnt even considered transitioning before bc it felt so out of reach but shes absolutely ECSTATIC at the thought of bein able to look more feminine and it Shows. tsu and jirou r like “ok mood we were like that too right before startin estrogen”

so the first unofficial trans girl trio club meeting ends w tsu and jirou promising to help iida ask recovery girl abt hormones and iida sayin she doesnt want to come out just yet to the class/anyone else in general and tsu and jirou respectin that. i love them yall

anyway after a few months, iida is ready to try hormone treatment so tsu and jirou help her ask recovery girl for a meeting nd r moral support for her while they go thro the process of like figuring out what dosage she should start w/, how long should she take it, when a check up appointment should be, if recovery girl should tell iida’s parents yet or nah, all that stuff. anyway after that,  recovery girl gets her started on hormone treatment which iida is SUPER EXCITED abt and tsu and jirou tell her stories abt when they first started estrogen and AHHH I LOVE MY GIRLS SO MUCH FUCK

anyway eventually after some support from tsu and jirou via the unofficial trans girl club meetings and getting back on her feet confidence-wise, iida comes out to the class :,,,]]] theyre all super supportive and iida cries just a bit. tsu and jirou r so proud of her. aizawa is just glad his problem child #9 is feeling better

ashido and yaoyorozu get together and take iida shopping so she can have more feminine clothes which iida has a lot of fun w......shes never been necessarily big on shopping before (even if she is a part of the rich kid’s club lmao) but this trip is so EXCITING and ashido and momo r so happy for her and so ESCATIC to help her find some clothes and just oh my heart.......

the girls also have a sleepover during which they indoctrinate iida on all things traditionally feminine like makeup nd hair so that she knows the basics should she ever wanna mess arnd with that stuff. but also they just have fun doin normal things and just include iida in on being one of the gals nd iida is,,,so happy. tsu and jirou in particular r arnd her the whole night and wow my uwus they own them the unofficial trans girl club owns my uwus-

anyway so coming out and being accepted and transitioning is going so much better than iida thought it would be. she feels so safe and happy im crying.....anyway eventually some time later iida also gets permission to visit her family during a long weekend/short holiday w/e. nd while there she shakily but steadily comes out to her fam ofc her parents r so proud (her mom’s like ‘’ive always wanted a daughter yes!!! ily tenya’’) and tensei loves her all the same nd she cries a lil bit bc damn,,,,,,shes been fearing the exact opposite reaction for months

specifically she talks to tensei abt it for a little while and mentions her particular fears abt not being good enough to carry on the name “ingenium” nd he smiles at her nd is like “i would rather no one else but my little sister to carry on the name of ingenium” and bruh shes absolutely floored

nd yea. midoriya and uraraka absolutely love love love iida shes still their absolute fav. she joins the unofficial class 1-a trans* club as well as accidentally forms the unofficial class 1-a trans girl club. we love her,,,,

but yeah thats it. this post is so fucking long but oh well. stan iida!

[rosenburg-lia]

What Does One Even Do?

WHAT? —  Lia has Vanessa over to discuss her situation.

WHEN? —   saturday night, april 4th

TRIGGERS? —  pregnancy

FEATURING —  Vanessa Montgomery ( @thevmontgomery ) mentions of Drew Torres and Tori Santamaria

lia: I cant be a mom, I barely even know how to take care of myself. One of the thoughts that swirled through Lias brain over the last hour. Still sat on the side of the bathtub, the pregnancy test laid on the sink. Her elbow resting on her knee as her focused trained on a specific spot on the floor. Her only move since she had seen the test was to grab her phone and text Vanessa. How the fuck does one even begin to take care of a kid? Taking a deep breath as she stood on shaky legs, collecting the test and her phone as she walked out of the bathroom. She couldnt even grab her usual vices to deal with the anxiety raking her body. Her body felt almost empty, her mind filled to the brim, but as she sat on the couch, wrapping herself in a ball, her hands instinctively fell to her stomach.

Vanessa: It was like her mind got a jump start reading Lia's message. Most of her messages went unnoticed, read, but unnoticed. There wasn't any reason she felt the need to see or speak to everyone all things considering, but Vanessa couldn't leave Lia at a time like this. Vanessa remembered going through all this alone. She remembered staring at the test, having no idea who to call and sitting in a dark room for days by herself. Vanessa wasn't going to let Lia go through that. As soon as she reached Luke and Lia's apartment, she moved straight through the house, finding Lia immediately and wrapping her arms around the girl. Was it for her comfort or the other girl's? It didn't matter, they both needed someone right now.

lia: she allowed herself to be engulfed by vanessa. the tears already falling from her eyes as she felt her arms around her. "I fucked up V," She choked out, "I cant be a mom," She spoke, glancing up to meet her gaze. She was grateful she had Vanessa in her life, even in whatever drama she was going through that made her leave town, she was still there when Lia needed her. But it would take some time for Lia, nothing was processing just feeling like facts floating through the air.

Vanessa: "you didn't fuck up, Lia," vanessa replied softly. it was all flushing back to her remembering this moment for herself. distraught on the floor feeling time collapsing. vanessa rubbed her friend's back, trying to provide whatever comfort she could bring. "we're going to get through this okay? together, i'm not going to let you do this alone."

liaa: "yea i did," She mumbled, her mind flashing through the memories of what shed done. Her night with Drew, telling Tori and subsequently losing her for now, and now this. "I cant let you say that without knowing the whole story," She sighed running her fingers through her hair. "The father is Drew," She spoke softly, "And I dont know what the fuck to do.."

Vanessa: it took everything in vanessa to pull herself together. she took a deep breath, "look, drew is an idiot, but he's gone through this before and i promise you he's going to do the right thing when you tell him, but i'm telling you you're going to have to tell him. you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't." she paused, feeling a little choked up about her own situation. vanessa stood up, and grabbing her friend's hand to sit on the tub rail. "we're going to go to the doctor and confirm how far along you are, but listen no impulsive thinking, no drinking, no smoking, no sleeping around, /nothing/."

liaa: her brows scrunched together at vanessas words, "What do you mean hes been through this before?" A sigh as she listened to her words, "I know, I plan on telling him. I will tell him," She paused before mumbling out, "eventually," Her eyes meeting vanessas as she spoke, nodding with her words, "I know, Im really sad too because I picked up a nice eighth," She chuckled, "Kidding...sort of," She sighed, "Im not sleeping around V, I never really have. Im taking this seriously, gonna read all the books and articles. Figure out my choices,"

liaa: "I dont even want to think about how Ill look pregnant, let alone if I have a kid," She spoke, "But I need to know everything, ya know?"

Vanessa: looked down, knowing she had to tell Lia eventually, after all that was the whole reason she came here. "At the end of Freshman year, I found out I was pregnant. He was there for me like with everything. He drove me to all my doctors appointments, let me stay over his place whenever my father got too much, even went on 2 am runs for me to get chinese and crap. And god, did that boy love my son with all his heart," she paused, her voice growing a little weak, but forcing some strength once she looked back to Lia. "He did right by me and he didn't even have to. With you, he's gonna give you and that baby the world if you let him," Vanessa explained. "We don't have to worry about any of that right now. What we need to worry about is you."

liaa: Her eyes widened, but she stayed silent, her brain did not however. The dots connecting in her head when Drew would disappear at times, realizing it was to go visit vanessa, to support her. A fond smile coming to her face as she thought about the boy, even as a best friend, he had been in dad mode from the jump. A part of her feeling warm knowing he wouldnt shove her away, or at least she hoped. "Im scared. Not worried, or nervous. But scared," She spoke, "Its terrifying to know that this has been growing in me, that someone is in there. Not just my organs anymore. I cant just go buckwild when I want because I want. My whole life is getting twisted V,"

Vanessa: "Come on, Li," Vanessa spoke softly. She wasn't going to let her friend be down on herself. She offered her hand out, "I'm gonna do for you what I wish someone would have done for me." Vanessa walked slowly, leading the girl back towards Lia's room and guiding her towards her bed. "Get in. Right now it's the size of a lima-bean at best. All this worrying is going to hurt you more than worrying will hurt the bean."

liaa: She smiled softly, taking her hand, following her through the apartment to her room. "V, its not my place, but did everyone know about your pregnancy? Or just drew?" She asked, "I dont think I want everybody, even the close ones, knowing," pulling the covers of her bed up, curling into them as she laid in the bed. "Ive grown up on worry, I think I can survive,"

Vanessa: pulled out her phone, her home screen showing a photo of Rocky and Vanessa sitting by a Christmas tree with matching smiles that took up their whole faces. "Drew's the only person who knew he was my son for a really long time, like almost three years now. Everyone else just assumed he was my little brother," she explained. "You only have to tell who you want to. I didn't even tell the father until a few months ago. Everyone isn't entitled to your life," she added. Vanessa laid in bed besides her friend, hoping that she was somehow helping. "You've gotta more than survive now."

liaa: Lia smiled as she saw the photo, "Hes adorable V," Listening as Vanessa spoke, her heart warming at the thought of Drew and Rocky interacting. "Im sure youre a great mom," She spoke softly, "Is Dallas the dad? Or did timelines overlap?" She asked, raising a brow, her tone void of all judgment and just interested in the part of her best friend she didnt know. "Why did it have to be Drew? Why couldnt it be Owen or Luke? Did God just wanna send a big fuck you my way? Want to ruin my relationship with Tori?" She sighed, "Or was it karma for not being honest with T from the gun? About everything.."

Vanessa: 's head dropped. She wasn't going to worry Lia about everything going her tragic motherhood. She wasn't a great mother, but that wasn't something she wanted to get into now. "Overlap," Vanessa said lowly. "Hence, me not telling the father until just a while ago." She knew it was wrong and saying it out loud made it all sound ghetto and fucked up, but that was her life. "Drew is not the worst person to have as your baby's father. Luke and Owen are not promised to step up, Drew will," Vanessa explained. "Have you told Tor he's the father yet?"

liaa: She nodded, "Thats fair, and at least you didnt have to lie to someone and or tell them you were wrong or something," She shrugged, "I didnt say he was, thats the issue. Hes perfect, the type to step up and actually support your decisions," She scoffed lightly, "She didnt even hear me out about sleeping with him, I dont think i can ever tell her im pregnant V," Looking at her friend with sad eyes, "It was like she was looking through me after I said it. I dont ever wanna see that look from her again,"

Vanessa: "I don't really wanna talk about Rocky's father if that's okay with you," Vanessa replied, not going too much into the subject. Her son was a sore spot for Vanessa, but the father situation was a whole different kind of pain. "Lia... You don't have to have this baby, you know that right?" Vanessa replied, her words slow so they could actually sink in. "I'm not on anyone's side! But you did sleep with her ex, you couldn't have expected her to just be calm and take that news like a champ. There's very few exes she cares about and you knew Drew was one of them..."

liaa: "Not a problem," She spoke with a nod. She knew better than to try and push Vanessa to talk about whats going on in her head. Turning towards her, a small smile, "I know. Im planning on looking at all options, even the ones that not everyone agrees with," A small shrug following her words, before she went silent. Listening to V speak, knowing she was more than correct in her words. "Its not that I expected her to be calm, but at least hear me out. She just defensive and harsh, which is fair, but i did expect some conversation about it," A small sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair, "its not like I meant to sleep with him V. I didnt hang out with him that night intending to see what his dick looked like, it just happened," Shaking her head lightly, "And I know its not an excuse, but its the truth. It wasnt planned, it wasnt like we ever intended on doing it. The plan was to be friends. Nothing more, nothing less, and now here we are,

Vanessa: "When have you ever known Tori to be much of a talker?" Vanessa replied playfully, shaking her head. "Okay ew! He's my best friend. I really really don't wanna talk about his dick! Whatever reason you had for hanging out with him is your business, but you've got to know that something was going to come from it. Drew too, but look we're not going to worry about that right now. Right now you need to get some sleep. All this worrying and back and forth isn't going to make this easier on you or really anyone involved."

liaa: "We've always been friends V, chaos comes to both of us, its enjoyable together," She shrugged, "I had never planned on being anything with him /after/ he got with Tori," She spoke, "All I know how to do is worry, especially when everything seems to be falling apart at the seams," It was true, everything she had known, was crumbling around her. Leaving her by herself in the storm, hanging onto Vanessa for dear life. "I just want it to be easier, but it wont be. And I know that,"

Vanessa: "You just gotta give her time, but you've also gotta be okay with the fact that she might never forgive you either," Vanessa explained, as much as she didn't want to think it would happen––Vanessa knew her best friend. "Whatever you decide to do, you know I'm gonna be by your side," Vanessa replied, interlocking her had with Lia's. "I wish I could tell you things are going to be easier, I really wish I could," she added softly. She'd be lying to saying anything about it, Vanessa knew /not/ knowing was always the easiest part. "It won't get better, you'll get better."

liaa: "I know, and I accept that. As much as it hurts, I know that she has that right. I betrayed her trust," She shrugged, "But shes always been there, i hate thinking about her not being here," A smile as she felt Vs hand in hers, "I appreciate you so much. For not judging more, or at least expressing it, and for being here. I know youve gone through something recently, and we dont got to talk about it. But it means something to me that your here right now," She spoke, an honest tone in her voice. "But youd be lying," She nodded, "Ive been told that for a while now. Seems like false hope,"

Vanessa: "Don't beat on yourself too much. We both know our girl can be a little dramatic," Vanessa explained. The last thing she wanted to do was be in the middle of this with all her closest friends involved, but Vanessa knew that everyone would be at each other's throats if she didn't stick her nose in it. "Lia, I got pregnant at 14 and became a teen mom at 15, I'm the last person who is ever going to judge you," Vanessa said softly, brushing a strand of hair out of Lia's face. "You know I'd be here for you baby, *but* if you do this dumb shit with Dallas I will put nair in your shampoo," Vanessa teased, wanting to lighten the situation. "You know I got you, pumpkin," she added, resting besides Lia.

liaa: "We all can be, and thats the real issue," She joked, "we all are dramatic bitches and most of the time it works for us," She knew that calling V automatically put her in the middle. It wasnt her intention, she genuinely just needed the girl. "I hope you know I understand if you decide being a part of all this drama is to much. I wouldnt be mad," She spoke, a small shrug at the end of her words, "Youre a strong person V. I know a lot of people dont tell you that, or praise you on other things. But going through what you did at that age, its tough for me now, i cant imagine three years ago," A small smile at Vanessas touch, "I would never with Dallas, hes like a big brother," She chuckled, "Can I admit something to you?" Her eyes turning to find Vanessa in the small light her side lamp gave off.

Vanessa: "I'm not dramatic! I'm just use to a certain lifestyle and anything outside that will be met with outing and tears," Vanessa joked back. She was going to be involved whether Lia called or not. "If you hadn't had called me, one of them would have." Drew would have called or even Tori. Somehow Vanessa always found out. Her head dropped somewhat, a long breath following before looking back to Lia. She didn't feel all too strong, the compliment falling somewhat on deaf ears. "Yeah, what is it?"

liaa: "Yea, not dramatic at all," She spoke sarcastically shaking her head lightly. "You arent wrong," She shrugged lightly, before her hand came up to play with my necklace. "Remember that guy i was into before tori and drew got together?" She questioned, turning slightly to look at V.

Vanessa: "Luke?" Vanessa asked raising an eyebrow. "Or does this have to do with those nice little Tiffany's necklaces you have for each day of the week?"

liaa: She chuckled lightly, "Ive always been into Luke, but its more of a sexual attraction than romantic i think," A small shrug, "And the necklaces are a whole different story for a different time," She rolled her eyes teasingly, "But seriously, again, youre the first person im admitting this to," She spoke before a deep sigh, "The guy was Drew, I had feelings for Drew. But then he got with Tori, and I distanced myself. Allowing the feelings to leave so they could be happy,"

Vanessa: "Plus Fiona would have your head if you tried anything that resembled a serious relationship," Vanessa teased. Her mouth dropped open wide, shockingly surprised at Lia's confession, though if Vanessa was using all her brain cells she could have known. "Amelia Jane Rosenburg!"

liaa: "Bitch I can take Fiona Coyne, shes not as big and bad as she pretends," She chuckled lightly, but knew that there was truth lingered within her words. No one that ends up with Luke or Fiona will compare to them for each other, and Lia wasnt gonna compete with that. "I know I know! But I did the right thing! I wasnt a bitch about it!"

Vanessa: "She will literally /buy/ you! Shit, I'd let her buy me if it weren't for her brother being the hotter Coyne," Vanessa joked. "Plus you can't fight people like Fiona Coyne, they press charges and then run to their men acting like you beat them or something then Luke's just gonna end up mad at you." She would never understand the girl's desire with the eldest Baker, but then again Vanessa's conquests never made sense either. "Did he know?"

liaa: "Yea yea yea, ive been told," She rolled her eyes, "I want to fight her. Ive wanted to for a while, not even because of whatever the fuck the relationship between me and Luke is. Shes just not a good person to me," She shrugged, "I dont think he did considering he tried to console me when it was brought up one day,"

Vanessa: "You're not fighting anyone," Vanessa replied, rolling her eyes playfully. "Do you want to be with him still? Like forget the bean in your belly and Tori, do you actually want to be with Drew?"

liaa: "I want to fight someone, but i can not right now," She spoke, a small shrug. Her eyes looking at the ceiling a she thought over vanessas question. "Yes," She answered, "Hes amazing V, in every sense. Sure hes made some dumb choices, we all have, but god that kid has a heart of gold," A sense of honesty in her tone as she spoke, "He makes the hard seem easy just by coexisting with me if I need him. Hes always willing to distract me or talk shit out with me. When weve gone out hes fought dudes for me because they cant take no," She chuckled lightly, "I want it V, i really really want it,"

Vanessa: "Then you know what you need to do," Vanessa nodded. She knew this was going to be a ride if they were to actually get together, but if Lia was happy Tori would have to come around at some point right? "My mama use to say everything's going to be okay in the end, if it's not okay.. it's not the end."

liaa: "I need to run to alaska and change my name," She spoke with an affirming head nod. Smiling at her words, "Your mom seems like a smart lady. My mom is a cunt," She shrugged with a small chuckle, "Can we just cuddle and sleep? Im done thinking about this,"

[legion1993]

i figured it was time for this!

title:  i figured it was time for this

pairing: Dean x reader

square filled: Anti Possession Tattoo

rating: PG

tags: tattoo, projectile beer spitting, telling the boyfriend your pregnant

word count:

summery: not telling!

created for @heavenandhellbingo​

heaven & Hell masterlist

it was several months ago, you had found you had found the love of your life after he had rescued you from a vampire bleeder den... vamps had been draining you dry for weeks... 

but shortly after they brought you back HE was the only person who matter to you... he became your everything... now it was time for you to become an official hunter protected from every single part of the supernatural... 

today you were gonna get your Anti-Possession Tattoo...

Dean the love of your life was now taking you to a small tattoo parlour in Kansas near where they grew up... but something was awfully not right at all... for the last little bit before the tattoo parlour you felt as though something or someone was following the impala... 

though you dismissed those feelings as your love now had stopped the car... you looked around and made eye contact with the man who was at your side of the car opening your door... 

Dean: “you ready to have full protection from everything supernatural...”

YN: “im ready to get what stops demons from being able to possess... but how bad is it gonna hurt?”

Dean: “well given the fact that as a hunter you should have a high high pain tolerance... those shoulder resets, the self patching, the feeling you get when you sew yourself up and throw on some whiskey as a antiseptic is how you build that pain tolerance... sure it hurts at first but in our line of work we dont have time to do normal medical procedures... we learn alot from google and it also helps that we have friends of our fathers who are willing to help if we need... now lets go inside and get your tattoo...”

you take his hand as both of you walk inside the parlor... you let dean do most of the talking and then charging it to one of the many cards you had in your wallet... you still had a normal job, you ran your own mechanic shop... 

Dean enjoyed that idea cause he was mainly your main mechanic... you were the only person who Dean would be able to work with the amount of orders and people that came in... 

Dean: “so after this are we gonna go into the shop or gonna go back and see everyone...”

YN: “i do have paper work still to do and there are still 8 cars on the lot that still need fixing...  and we rely on the income its honest and it brings in a living... we have real money on top of all the scams and stuff you guys are running we need honest living... honestly i know its not a huge amount but our garage is the best in this entire side of the usa... we have people coming from everywhere... our garage is gonna make us rich... dont worry we are gonna be fine... now im strong enough to take the pain from this tattoo, and im strong enough to take you and Sam down in sparring... and im strong enough to be a badass huntress...”

Dean: “lets get her done baby girl.”

walking into the back of the tattoo parlor, you expose your chest... only so far as to have your area that you want the tattoo in exposure. the guy came in and began setting up his equipment.

Tattoo guy: “what will it be today?”

you hand him a drawing of the anti-possession symbol with your own personal touch. he loaded the ink into the machine and then he turned to Dean.

Tattoo guy: “this your girl dude?”

Dean: “yeah why?”

tattoo guy: “cause she has real guts to do a tattoo of this caliber, there is gonna be alot of shading to do... now before i get started there might be a little bit of seering pain at first, but there is also the option of a sweet numbing relief if you want it... you wont even feel it...”

YN: “yes i want the numbing relief.”

the tattoo guy gently put a bit of numbing gel on the area then he waited a few moments and then poked you in the numb area to see if you felt anything... you said no... so he proceeded. 

the process total time was 60 minutes... the outline time was 10 minutes, then came the filling in the parts that needed it that was what took the longest... it was a long time in that chair but Dean was the one massaging your back so you didnt stiffen up...

Tattoo guy: “well your almost done kiddo, the last part is what you added as extra it looks like... are you still wanting that on there... or just leave it...”

You had to think about it but then you took a glance at the man who loved you more than his own car (which is really saying something)... but you had found something out a few days ago... you had gone to a doctor you trusted cause you thought something was wrong with you... 

so you wanted to put the date of finding out the news you had been working so hard at hiding from the love of your life... 

YN: “yes put it in holographic silver below the symbol...”

tattoo guy did as requested... you were one of the many normal things that came out of hunting... you tried to be as normal as possible... but no one in their right mind would ever associate hunting with normality...

once the tattoo was done, the guy gave you a care package with instructions for the first 2 weeks for tattoo care. it was one of the proudest moments of being a hunter...

thats when you and Dean left and he asked you about the bonus addition...

YN: “remember how i was feeling off and i went to see the trusted doc and i went alone... i was late... my period was late... i had to make sure nothing was wrong... Dean its been 2 days since that appointment, i didnt want to keep this from you but its better left for when your sitting down, most likely your gonna pass out or something...”

Dean looked at you confused and wary of what you could possibly want to say... but yet waited till you both got back to the hotel you guys were staying at for a mini vacay away from the bunker... 

you both went into the hotel room but you hadnt been drinking the beer, or anything else alcohol related... but of course you werent gonna say why just yet...

getting into the room Dean sat on the bed and you came to sit beside him on the bed...

Dean: “what is so important that you wanted me to sit down for? and what does that extra tattoo mean?”

you were being careful... but then it just all came out just as Dean was taking a swig of his beer..

YN: “Dean im pregnant...”

this is how it happens, that is how you activate Projectile Beer...

Dean: “pregnant? are you sure?”

you pulled the ultra sound from your bag and handed it to Dean... his expression after a bit turned soft and calm... his facials were now full of joy and excitement... 

Dean: “YN i get now why you waited to tell me... dont worry we will not let this child of ours grow up with only one parent... we will both live to raise this child. i love you... and i very proud of you taking the numbing gel for the tattoo, i didnt do that cause it was my father around who told me and Sam to get ours and we wanted to prove ourselves to him... which was... come now darling let us relax...”

you both fall back to the bed and relaxation overtakes you both, now you felt relaxation cause you werent caring around that secret...

[71tenseventeen]

Take My Hand (Take My Whole Life Too)-8

Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3, Pt 4, Pt 5, Pt 6, Pt 7

Warnings for sexual content, male pregnancy, non-hockey Sid. Sid and Taylor’s ages have been altered to fit the story.

Perpetual credit to my betas, @queen-alia and @icosahedonist as well as the GC and @ljummen.

They meet at a quiet pizza place at Sid’s suggestion.

As soon as Sid sees Geno on the sidewalk he realizes it was a mistake. He already has people stopping him and Sid can see the stress lines around his eyes as he glances up and back to the people around him.

Sid has no idea what the protocol is but he suspects it’s better if he stays out of all of that so he tips his head toward the door of the restaurant and ducks in, grabbing them a table in the corner of the dark, quiet dining room.

It takes another ten minutes before Geno finally ducks into the restaurant looking very harried but at least he’s alone. He immediately spots and heads for Sid, carefully avoiding eye contact with the handful of other patrons. He gets stopped anyhow and politely signs autographs and poses for pictures with a family of four before he finally makes it to the table looking more than a little stressed.

“Sorry, Sid. I was hoping since it Tuesday afternoon would maybe not be such a big problem.”

“No, I’m sorry. I should have known. Next time we’ll figure something else out, okay?”

Geno nods, looking very grateful.

“So…” they both start after an awkward moment and it breaks the tension. Sid gives a quiet laugh and Geno’s face softens.

Sid thinks maybe, finally, they can relax.

Of course that’s when a waiter arrives at their table and starts his welcome spiel before stopping completely and exclaiming, “Whoa! Geno! Hey man!”

“Hello,” Geno says cordially, but Sid can see the lines forming around his eyes again.

The waiter, “Braden,” he informs them as he shakes Geno’s hand and ignores Sid completely, is grinning ear to ear and turns long enough to call in the general direction of the kitchens. “Yo, Frank! You gotta get out here! We got Geno Malkin in the house!”

Sid sees Geno slump in defeat and sits quietly as he politely signs autographs and poses for pictures with what must be every staff member there… and a couple of construction workers who hadn’t bugged him when he came in. As far as get-togethers go, this is a disaster.

Geno finally asks Braden to please give them a minute with the menu and turns to Sid with a pinched expression, talking low and fast. “Sid, okay if we get food to go? I take us somewhere private to eat and talk. Don’t think this going to work.” He says it like he’s asking permission and Sid feels terrible.

“Yeah, of course.”

That’s all it takes for Geno to motion Braden back over.

It takes another twenty five minutes before they’re actually leaving the restaurant with bags of food and a pizza, Geno having left a generous tip.

He pulls his hat down over his eyes and seems to be trying to hunch in on himself even though there was no way someone that big is going to be able to hide. Sid follows quietly and they make it to Geno’s car with only a couple of people stopping him. As soon as Geno slides into the driver’s seat, he drops his head back and lets out a deep breath.

“Really sorry, Sid.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry for suggesting this place.”

“Not be sorry. Let’s just go eat. Hungry.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Geno turns to him with furrowed brows. “You ok? Need to eat and drink now?”

“No, I can wait. I feel okay.”

Geno’s face relaxes a little then and he nods. “Okay.”

He takes them to the arena. It’s the last place Sid expected to find himself but it makes sense. When they go in, no one does anything more than give him a wave. Certainly no one seems concerned that he’s toting a bunch of takeout bags and has a stranger trailing along beside him.

And that’s how Sid finds himself eating pasta and pizza in the Penguins’ team kitchen.

It’s Sid’s turn to be jumpy, glancing nervously at the door every few seconds until Geno explains, “No practice here today. Not expect anyone around or I take us to private conference room.”

Sid breathes out in relief. “Okay.”

“So—” they both start again and Geno laughs.

Maybe this won’t be as bad as Sid feared.

Geno is enthusiastic about any mention of the baby and wants to know all about Sid’s appointments with the ‘baby doctor.’  He listens to every tiny detail—from the baby’s heart rate to Sid’s blood pressure—with rapt attention and asks what seems like a hundred questions.

Sid doesn’t mind. It’s nice to have a conversation about the pregnancy that isn’t revolving around what a crisis it is.

He likes how easy it is to talk once they’re relaxed, that Geno actually takes interest in his life. He isn’t just asking questions to have something to talk about—he genuinely listens to Sid’s answers and asks more questions, seeming to want to know everything he can.

He asks about Sid’s studies at the university and Sid spends several minutes talking about the courses he plans to take and his plan to teach someday. In turn, Sid asks him about hockey and they spend a good half an hour talking about the upcoming season. Geno seems pleasantly surprised at Sid’s interest and knowledge.

From there the conversation turns back to the pregnancy and Geno asks if Sid has talked to his family in the last couple of days. “For a few minutes last night. I told them I told you about the baby.”

Geno fiddles with the edge of his cup. “They know is me?”

“No. I didn’t tell them that much.”

“What they say when you tell them I know?”

Sid shrugs. “Not much. My parents are still hoping I’ll change my mind, I guess. But my sister is happy.”

“Glad you have her, at least. Hope your parents come around.”

“What, um, what about your parents? Did you, um, tell them about…?” Sid glances down at his midsection.

“I not tell them yet, no.”

“Oh. Right.” Sid’s not sure what he expected and he works hard to push back the pang that’s threatening to bubble up inside him

“Going to tell them, Sid.”

“You don’t have to.”

Geno frowns. “Not keep something like this secret from them. Is just hard, try to figure out how to say. Worry how they respond.”

“You think they’ll, ah, be upset?”

Geno sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he leans forward to rest his elbows on the table. “Maybe. Probably.” He takes a deep breath. “Mama, Papa very close to me but they not really know about my private life. Just not sure how they react when they find out, you know.”

“Find out about the baby or…?” Sid feels like it probably doesn’t need to be said.

Geno nods. “In Russia, be with guy very bad. Not safe.”

“Yeah,” Sid swallows hard. For the first time he’s thinking about consequences beyond the scope of Pittsburgh and the NHL and he’s suddenly grateful he’s from Canada.  

“Not something I need to tell them before but now…”

“Right. Now I’m pregnant and fucked that up for you.”

Geno looks up and grabs Sid’s wrist. “You not fuck anything up, Sid. Take two people make this happen. Was my choice, too and I’m not regret.”

“Well, I’ll understand if you decide not to tell anyone. I mean, I’d get it.”

“Not going to be that way. Just have to figure out best way. Maybe not be easy but I do because it’s important. Besides, better to tell now than someone here find out and they hear in press.”

Sid looks up, struck again by all the things weighing on Geno with this pregnancy.

“I guess we should probably be more careful around town, too. I mean, if it got out it would be bad.”

Geno sighs and runs a hand through his hair again. “Would be very bad. Here, maybe not as much but Russia… I probably can’t go back.”

“Oh god.  You can’t—” Sid shakes his head. Somewhere in his mind he knew it but hearing it like this brings it into stark contrast. “I can’t be the person responsible for that. I won’t tell anyone, Geno. I promise.”

“Not the kind of thing to keep secret forever. Eventually, baby born and grow. Seem impossible to keep thing like this secret.”

“We’ll do it, we’ll find a way.”

Geno shakes his head. “You really want that? Not so sure I do.”

Sid’s heart sinks. “What do you mean?”

“Even if we could keep total secret, what kind of life that be for our baby? What kind of life that be for us? Maybe not ideal and maybe some hard consequences but still a baby, still going to be child for us to raise. Our baby, Sid.”  To Sid’s surprise, Geno smiles and it fills him warmth.

“Only know for two days and already think about baby growing up. Want to teach him to skate and play hockey, want to take him to family skate and bring him to games.”

Sid realizes he’s smiling too. “Him?”

Geno’s grin brightens. “Have a feeling.”

“What if it’s a girl?”

“Not matter. Do all same thing. All that matter is she our baby, our family.” Geno’s smile stretches across his face. “We gonna get to love our little baby and watch him grow up. Maybe hard, little bit scary now but gonna be worth it, you know?”

And Sid suddenly has to blink back tears because in all the time he’s known about the pregnancy, he’d never felt like he could talk about his future with his baby, that he could look forward to it. It had hurt that everyone saw this as a burden, nothing but a crisis to manage. But now Geno is saying things out loud that Sid has barely felt allowed to even think privately.

“Yeah.” Sid has to swallow. “I do,” he breathes and he means it.  

“Wouldn’t trade for anything now that I know, Sid. Don’t care what happen.”

“But what about the team? The NHL, Russia?”

Geno meets his gaze. “We figure it out. Not want you worry about it, okay? Just focus on take care of you and take care of baby. Most important.”

Sid sighs. “I’ll try. I, um, I have a doctor’s appointment in a couple of days.”

Geno’s face lights up and Sid’s glad he told him. “When? Maybe I find way to go?”

“Friday at three.”

Geno frowns. “Have meeting.”

“Oh. Well, I…”

“I’m sorry.”

Sid takes a deep breath and forces himself to look at Geno. “You don’t have to apologize. I know you have responsibilities. Honestly, the fact that you care at all means a lot. So, don’t worry, okay?”

Geno nods, looking a little miserable. “You call me, tell how it goes?”

“For sure.”

“Maybe we get together after?”

Sid smiles because this is just all so much more and so much better than he ever expected. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

Geno drives Sid back to where he’d parked earlier. It’s still crowded and Sid knows they can’t linger with Geno idling in a no parking zone so he pulls the envelope out of his pocket and pushes it into Geno’s hands before he gets out of the car.

“What this?”

“It’s not all of it, not even close but it’s part of what I owe you.”

Geno frowns. “Sid…”

“Not negotiable. See you Friday.” He closes the door before Geno can reply

Part 9